What does your water bottle say about you?

waterbottle2_joshua_jordan_staff
Joshua Jordan/Staff

UC Berkeley students are an incredibly diverse bunch. We hail from every U.S. state and from many countries around the world. We represent many majors, races and identities. One thing that we all have in common, however, are our water bottles. For the long treks uphill, to and through campus, every UC Berkeley student knows that a water bottle is a necessity. While we at the Clog can’t read minds, we can read your water bottles — and tell you what your water bottle says about you.

Nalgene (plain)

You’re a no-frills type of person. All you really care about is that your water bottle works, and that it works well. You aren’t interested in the superfluous, the extreme or the sensational. You’re highly practical, but you also have a deep love for the outdoors. You’re not in it for the Insta, though. Probable major: mechanical engineering or chemistry.

Nalgene (with stickers)

You care about things. Really, really, care about things. You’re that person on Twitter or Facebook that is always posting articles (political or otherwise) about the issues that matter to you. You can be a bit of a loudmouth or a show-off, and you expect everything you do to make a statement. You’re vocal about your likes and dislikes and never hesitate to recommend something to a friend or stranger. If your bottle has political stickers, you’re most likely a political science major (duh). If it has nature-themed or vegan stickers, you are without a doubt in CNR.

Hydroflask

Size matters with Hydroflasks. The smaller ones reveal a personality that is environmentally conscious, but not overly preachy. The larger ones, however, beg for attention. If you have a giant Hydroflask, you want the whole world to know that you are both rich and interested in conservation. You also definitely live in a co-op, but just so you can take pictures in front of the cool walls. Because there is such a range in what your Hydroflask means, there’s a range in what major you could be. Anything from English to environmental science is possible here.

S’well bottle

This water bottle says “I’m in a sorority!” as a hallmark of all things bougie, the S’well bottle indicates a certain level of wealth and a need to have nice things. You’re like Donna from “Parks and Rec” — you live by the motto “Treat yo’self!” That’s not bad, though. You know what you want, you know how to get it, and you know how to look good doing it. Probable major: media studies.

Disposable water bottle

A disposable water bottle means that you’re an asshole. Come on, dude. Just buy a water bottle! Or just wait until next Calapalooza and pick up a free one. It’s not that hard (and it’s also a lot cheaper than rebuying disposable water bottles). Probable major: pre-Haas.

Free promotional water bottle

Much like the plain Nalgene person, you’re extremely practical. Why look a gift water bottle in the mouth, right? Corporate branding doesn’t bother you too much (or if it does, you’ve covered any logos with stickers). All you care about is the convenience of your water bottle. It doesn’t have to be ultra fancy, or pretty, or temperature-regulating — it just has to hold water. Probable major: EECS.

No matter what your water bottle says about you, make sure you keep one (even a disposable one) on you at all times. Stay hydrated, Bears.

Contact Jamie Campbell at [email protected].

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