CA’s least interesting road trips

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Rachael Garner/File

Each year, we try to reflect on our trips to Cabo, Havasu or elsewhere, and all we can remember is a whirlwind of drinks and sunshine. Although spring break is a week long, it always feels like it’s over far faster than that. But what if instead of going to some of the most exciting destinations, you went to a few of the most boring ones? Take a trip to these California cold spots and you’re sure to feel like your break never ends.

I-5

Every boring road trip has to include the I-5 at some point. This bland, flat stretch of road provides the least diverse and most bland scenery of any California highway. The road is as straight as it is narrow, so if you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to drive a car on a treadmill for hours on end, this is your chance. Unless you love unchanging, brown fields and the smell of cow shit, this trip will feel like an eternity.

Needles

When a town is featured in a book like “Grapes of Wrath,” you know it has to be boring. The most compelling part of your stay will probably be when someone points to some spiky mountains in the distance and says, “That’s why it’s called Needles.” Prepare to hear this fact countless more times. The second-most interesting fact about Needles is that in 2001, an episode of “The Amazing Race” was filmed there. All interesting tidbits about Needles have now been exhausted.

Racetrack Playa

In the middle of the desert, there are some large rocks called sliding stones. They leave tracks in the sand indicating that environmental forces move them around, but no one has ever seen one move. You could be the first if you take the trip to Death Valley and spend your entire spring break in the baking desert staring at rocks.

Blythe Intaglios

The Blythe geoglyphs are giant figures carved into the earth by Mohave and Quechan Native Americans, which is admittedly pretty cool. And looking at aerial pictures, they are pretty cool. But if you actually go there, you’ll hardly see anything at all since the geoglyphs are so large you can only make them out from a helicopter or an airplane. That means you’ll just be standing in the middle of nowhere.

Evans Hall

Are you an academic building, or are you a parking structure? People who’ve had class there know it’s full of classrooms and offices, but if you haven’t, you might understandably mistake it for a place to park. You’ll soon find yourself wishing it actually was a parking garage, because it’s mostly used for math and statistics, and time rarely moves slower than when you’re doing math and statistics.

When all of your friends are complaining about break being too short, you can confidently say that you had the longest spring break of your life. Life can’t pass you by if you’ve never found life  interesting in the first place.

Contact Ryan Melvin at [email protected].