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George Washington, Abraham Lincoln and FDR — some of our nation’s greatest. So, who shall be next to join the ranks of these notorious presidential leaders? Who shall implement the reform we need? And, most importantly, who shall lead this great nation university to prosperity?
Well, luckily for you, we at the Clog are here to help. After careful analysis of each ASUC presidential candidate’s platforms, we’ve constructed this meticulously crafted and incredibly accurate quiz to aid you in your vote for the next ASUC president.
Which campus issues are most important to you?
Scope of student spaces
What kind of leader do you prefer?
Strong and serious
Charming and charismatic
Friendly and easygoing
Calm, cool and collected
What should the new ASUC president focus on once in office?
Creating the leaders of tomorrow.
Increasing visibility of particular groups of students.
Increasing the number of student spaces to de-stress.
Finding solutions to the student housing crisis.
What’s more important to you in a presidential candidate, platform or personality?
Neither is important to me.
Both are equally important to me.
Do you feel as though the ASUC president has been effective in implementing change on campus in the past?
Sure. I can see change gradually occurring.
No way, José!
Which party do you identify with?
Who gives a flying duck? This isn’t the election for president of the United States, for Pete’s sake.
On a scale of 1-10, how much do you care about the election for ASUC president?
Diddly squat (0). Does the president even do anything?
10. This is more important than the national elections!!! This predicts the future of our university, people.
-11. I’m taking a vacation. See you after April 12.
5. Eh. Whatever.
How did you feel about walking through all of those picket signs on Sproul Plaza last week?
Having a full-blown meltdown was inevitable.
I was fine as long as I had my headphones and hood on.
I would’ve rather spent all the money I’ve ever earned in my life to fly to Dwinelle via helicopter than walk through that hellhole.
I love campaigning for ASUC elections! It’s so fun to find people on Sproul Plaza and chat with them about the candidate I’m promoting!
Ghost. SQUELCH!’s ASUC presidential candidate’s platform has everything you’re hoping for, including improving quality of campus buildings, expanding student housing options and increasing transparency. As a leader, Ghost is strong and serious and is willing to do whatever it takes to implement reform.
UC Berkeley resident squirrel. Sustainability and diversity are clearly important to you, so what better choice of candidate than a friendly neighborhood UC Berkeley squirrel? Sure, it may steal your nuts, but it clearly understands sustainable food practices. And it’d be the first animal president! Clearly a win-win.
Robert Reich. If you’re not a loyal follower of The Resistance Report, then what are you doing with your life? It’s time to hop aboard the Reich Train and join The Resistance. An engaging lecturer, political commentator and former secretary of labor under Bill Clinton, this rookie is sure to be a natural as ASUC president.
Hillary Clinton. So what if our girl Hill can’t be president of the United States of America? There’s always president of the student body of UC Berkeley (the No. 1 public university in the world, mind you). You’re all about giving people second chances and making people’s dreams of becoming president of something finally come true, so why not cast your vote for America’s favorite grandma?