If a stoner wears a Bob Marley T-shirt in the forest and no one is around, does anyone know the stoner smokes weed? Probably, because they’ve surely announced it both explicitly and implicitly at every possible moment.
Guess what? This is UC Berkeley, dude — no one gives a shit how much you smoke.
Your Tinder profile may as well be an advertisement for conspicuous cannabis consumption. Putting “4/20 friendly” or a bunch of maple leaves in your bio makes it clear that your idea of a dream date is just getting really, really high. And if a potential paramour didn’t get the message the first time, that picture of you exhaling a cloud of smoke should do the trick.
Those weed leaf socks are not subtle, by the way. Combined with your psychedelic Deadhead T-shirt, they make a totally not-understated nod to your habits. In case anyone didn’t already know about your passion for pot, your clothing should clear that right up.
That Bob Marley poster really sets the right vibe for your room. It totally complements that mandala tapestry on the other wall that you tell everyone you got from a Santa Cruz artist (because what stoner doesn’t love Santa Cruz?), but that you actually bought from Urban Outfitters. Both pieces of wall decor go perfectly with your 12 different air fresheners and mason jar full of weed.
Please, tell us more about your medical marijuana card. Yes, we know that you got it online for free. Yes, we know there’s going to be a dispensary inside of Amoeba Music. Yes, we know you are so excited that California finally legalized recreational use. Trust us, you’ve said all those things enough times.
Are you even capable of planning a hangout that doesn’t involve smoking? Sure, you don’t want your weed to go bad, and sure, it’s a sunny Saturday, but there’s more to do than sitting back and listening to you explain the difference between your strains (again).
We get it, you smoke weed. Now can you please shut up about it?
Contact Jamie Campbell at [email protected].