How to get into a frat party: A practical guide for Cal Day

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Joshua Jordan/Staff

So, you’re out with your friends looking to get wasted at a frat party. You did your research on Frat Row, looked up the locations on Google Maps and now you’re at the front doorstep about to talk to the brother on door duty.

Step 1: Don’t get in

Maybe the party is already at capacity. Maybe the guy-to-girl ratio of your group sucks. Maybe they’re out of alcohol. Maybe somebody got alcohol poisoning and the ambulance is on their way. For whatever reason, the brother at the door is not letting you in. Don’t worry! This happens to every group. You just have to do a little persuading.

Step 2: Drop a brother’s name

The easiest way to get in is if someone in your group knows a brother in the frat. Luckily, the newest member of your frat-hopping squad, let’s call him David, is pretty well connected. You know this because he would not shut the hell up about all the crazy frat parties he’s been to. Anyway, he starts talking to the brother at the door. “Yeah, I’m actually a really good friend with a brother here,” he starts to say. When the dude at the door asks who he knows, he casually and unconvincingly utters the name John Johnson.

So it turns out David isn’t as well connected as he claimed to be. What a poser. Your group ditches him by the steps.

Step 3: Use the back door

Most frat parties will have an area outside in the back where people come out to cool off, talk and smoke. If you can blend in enough, you may have a shot of getting into the party from the back door. One by one, your group members quietly jump the fence. The last person, let’s call her Stephanie, is having some trouble because she decided to wear a slip dress instead of a shirt and leggings. She slips and falls, scraping herself up a bit. “ Damn it,” the groups collectively yells. “Stephanie shut up! Someone’s gonna hear!”

But it’s too late. Some of the brothers in the yard hear the noise and see that Stephanie just jumped the fence. They give Stephanie a look of “Really? Did you really?” and kick her off the property. Luckily, the rest of your group manages to distance themselves from Stephanie at the last minute.

Step 4: Fight a brother

Turns out the back door has a brother checking for bids. because your group never got one, you’ve all just been chilling outside. Luckily, there’s a beer station outside so it’s not bad. Everyone’s just been drinking and chilling, except for your friend Michael, who shotgunned six beers in the last 15 minutes. You see him, visibly tipsy, approach the brother at the backdoor. “Hey bro,” he starts non-threateningly. “Why don’t you … you let us in huh? You’re a … a piece of shit,” he ends the tirade. Although drunk, Michael manages to land a punch on the brother, who immediately retaliates. “What the fuck you just call me?”

As the two are brawling it out, you and the one remaining member of the group see this as a chance to sneak in the house undetected.

Step 5: Party!

You finally managed to get into the frat party! You and your remaining friend feel kinda bad for leaving behind the others, but not bad enough to not enjoy yourselves. You both get really drunk and throw up on the pool table. Happy Cal Day!