Congratulations, Bears! We survived! Freedom at last. Finals are finally behind us and we can all breathe a sigh of relief as we forget everything that we’ve learned these last 15 weeks. Now that we’ve emerged from the dreary chambers of Main Stacks, we’re finally able to tackle all of the tasks that we’ve been putting off for weeks now. Too bad we won’t.
Rather than using our newly acquired free time responsibly, we’re going to continue to avoid the long-awaited list of things that we should be doing. We will poorly manage our time by focusing on things that won’t improve our state of being in any way. Forget laundry, it’s time to lounge.
We’re just going to ignore the fact that we haven’t had clean socks for three weeks and continue to wear flip flops every day. Just like your Snapchat relationship with your best friend from home, there’s no reason to break the streak now. While the idea of clean underwear is certainly enticing, we have about as much motivation to do laundry as we did for our Friday 7 to 10 p.m. final. To clarify, that means none. So long personal hygiene, hello binge-watching.
Now that this semester is over we should probably start making plans for the summer break. Our resume needs to be updated and we have roughly six different cover letters that we needed to have sent out by yesterday. But, alas, we must succumb to catching up on all of the television we sacrificed for studying these past two weeks. There’s nothing more pressing than how behind we are on Grey’s Anatomy (it’s always a beautiful day to save lives). We may even need to rewatch the five or six episodes that came before the one we left off at. You know, just to be sure that we fully understand the plot of the season. Our careers and internship opportunities will just have to wait – we can’t afford to dodge spoilers online any longer.
Another pressing task that we’ve been skillfully dodging for weeks is a trip to the grocery store. Now that we don’t have to spend every waking, and sometimes even sleeping, moment in the library, we’re free to rediscover vegetables. But who are we trying to kid? We’ve grown so accustomed to grabbing take out food from Telegraph Avenue that we’ve lost the muscle memory for cooking altogether. We would have to Google our stove model just to figure out how to turn the thing on. This kind of in-depth research is a major turn-off. After the 15-page research paper we just submitted, any sort of empirical analysis is essentially the plague. Looks like we’ll have to put off the art of cooking for a little while longer. Julia Child would be so proud.
Above all, we’re going to sleep. Sloths and their 18 hours of sleep a day have got nothing on us. We plan on hibernating until doctors are concerned that we’ve turned into sloths ourselves. Cheers to the end of finals!
Contact Amanda Chung at [email protected].