Stupidity for dummies

Chris Hewitt/Staff
Chris Hewitt/Staff
Chris Hewitt/Staff

In the words of this generation’s fearless leader, Hannah Montana, nobody’s perfect. We all make stupid decisions. It would be libelous for us to claim that we’ve never made a poor choice in our obviously blemish-free life. From parties to procrastination and every poor health choice in between, we at the Clog are here to remind you that you aren’t alone when you throw back that fifth shot mere hours before your 8 a.m. We all do dumb things from time to time. It’s the thrill of stupidity and painful sting of self-inflicted suffering that makes us feel alive.

The heavy eyelids that droop above our burning eyes as we continue our unproductive YouTube video spiral are a clear physical indicator that the time has come for us to finally put our phone down for the day. It’s 1:30 a.m., and we know that some shut-eye would do us good. We’re running a sleep deficit that makes the current federal budget deficit look like a dropped penny on the ground. We haven’t slept more than five consecutive hours since before we came to college. We initially consulted YouTube to help us remember how to derive functions for calculus and now we’re learning how sombreros are made. Not only are we losing valuable sleep, we still don’t know what to do with the math equation we set out to solve four hours ago. We know that we need to hit the sack, but that video of a live giraffe birth is calling our name from the suggested videos list. We’ll regret this in the morning.

We know better than to go out the night before our 8 a.m. class. We’re well aware that GSIs will take attendance and that we probably won’t be able to pull ourselves out of bed before noon. Despite our complete grasp of this reality, we agree to go to check out frat row with our roommates. We make the stupid decision to half-ass our homework assignment for the 124th time this year and pregame in the living room. As we feel the burn of Fireball wash away our dignity and any chance of a decent participation grade, we can’t help but revel in the stupidity of our choices. We can’t plead ignorance. It’s not that we don’t know what we’re doing is incredibly idiotic. With every drink we throw back we get farther and farther away from passing this week’s test. By the fifth shot of tequila, we know that we’re beyond the point of no return and bask in the sheer absurdity of it all.

Our stupidity doesn’t end there. Little things like thinking that a colander can work as a bowl if we eat quickly enough, or convincing ourselves that we can slack off now and magically pull off a 115 percent on our final prove that no poor choice is too small. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to explain why these decisions are stupid, but the obvious idiocy doesn’t stop us. Often times, we pay for our poor choice and grumble our grievances as we pay the piper for the consequences of our foolishness. Too bad that won’t stop us from doing it all over again next week.

Contact Amanda Chung at [email protected].