What to do when you’re single on National Kissing Day

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Hannah Cooper/File

Ahhhh, a kiss. A sweet, simple gesture to be shared with the one you love. A tender expression from the depths of the heart.

Or, like us single folks out there, something we only wish we could share with someone. Something we see a couple do in public that practically makes vomit! F**k your PDA, I’m salty, and I don’t want to see you mouth-locking while I’m waiting in line for my ice cream, thank you very much!

I don’t think there’s a day that a single person dreads more than Valentine’s Day. Valentine’s Day is a juicy reminder of your current relationship status: “Yeah I’m single, so where is my damn Pringle?” Through the beauty of commercialization, we’re forced to watch a myriad of red heart balloons, red roses and abnormally large boxes of chocolates fill the aisles of our local CVS. I’m just trying to pick up a pack of Q-tips. Why must I be reminded of this dreadful day?

If the Valentine’s Day hype of the weeks preceding it don’t serve as a kindly reminder, then the day itself will serve you well. All of those chocolates and roses now seem to be infiltrating like a swarm of bees, couples are holding hands and even worse, kissing.

And so I postulate perhaps there is a day dreaded by singles more than Valentine’s Day. And that is June 23, National Kissing Day. An entire day dedicated to lip-locking – wonderful!

Now don’t get me wrong, I enjoy sharin’ a kiss just as much as the next guy, but like I said, being single on a day like National Kissing Day is far from fun.

As a fellow partnerless person, I’ve devised a plan that includes a multitude of suggestions of what one may do if they find themselves solo on National Kissing Day. (As for you couples or partnered folk … lucky you, now get lost!)

Suggestion No. 1: Whip out a mirror, pucker those lips up and kiss yourself.

Suggestion No. 2: Dress cute, get drunk, go to a bar. Kissing will ensue.

Suggestion No. 3: Dress cute, get drunk, invite over four of your cutest single friends.

Or, if you’re a loner/think all of the above are absolutely absurd:

Suggestion No. 4: Go visit your grandma. She’s the one person that will never deny a juicy kiss on the lips.

Suggestion No. 5: Tinder? Grindr? Bumble? Farmersonly.com? There ARE options in the face of desperation.

Finally,

Suggestion No. 6: Turn on Netflix, crack open some red wine, cuddle up with your kitten or pup and enjoy like the King or Queen you are! We’re too lavish for National Kissing Day anywho. 

Contact Alle Friesel at [email protected].