People who don’t need your July Fourth crap right now

4thofJuly_AditiRaghunath
Aditi Raghunath/File

It’s the Fourth of July and those who get the day off are settling into the all-American routine of forgetting the working class. But we at the Clog want you to avoid this old American tradition. While Berkeleyans galore descend upon the marina in a wave of family-friendly fun, one group might be absent: low wage workers.

Ice cream scoopers

These fearless scoopers bring cold dairy and joy to the good people of Berkeley. But don’t be fooled by their smiles and cheer — they have plenty of better things to do on July Fourth than hand sugar rushes to thankless children.

Hey kids, look alive. You can’t hold a cone upside down.

Downtown Berkeley ambassadors

Wearing hideous yellow shirts and sweeping trash from the ground, these city employees have enough to worry about without your July Fourth shenanigans. As a reward for helping residents and Downtown businesses (especially during a recent slew of violent right wing rallies), these unstoppable workers should at least get July Fourth off.

Instead, they’re dealing with streets flooded with loud students freed from class and unkempt families trying to soak up the sun.

We get it, the summer sun is nice. Don’t rub it in the faces of those who have to work.

Whoever is actually shooting off the fireworks

Those pretty red, white and blue explosions? It’s somebody’s job to hold open flames right next to them and then run like heck.

That’s right, for every firework show you watch, there’s a crew of sweaty, stressed employees or volunteers, setting wicks aflame and running for cover, clinging to whatever supernatural force they can and hoping nothing malfunctions.  

The person at the hot dog stand

No one wants to spend the Fourth corralling these sausages but someone’s gotta do it. Far superior to corn dog makers, these workers put the sweat in sweaty. And being sweaty is unpleasant enough without angry consumers around. If you’re just trying to devour some bland meat links in a bland bun with some toppings, you and your friends can wait in line without being obnoxious. We at the Clog know you can.

Happy Fourth. Be a good human.

Karim Doumar is the editor in chief and president, and a former ice cream scooper. Contact him at [email protected] and follow him on Twitter @dailycalkarim.