This summer has been one of my favorites by far.
With an equal balance of family time and friend time, down time and work, I feel like I have made the most of my summer.
This is my last summer before adulthood. It is definitely one to remember. Over the course of the past couple of months, I have evolved into a new creature. Some might say I have spread my wings.
I spent my time in the mountains, on the beach, at the top of a city at night, driving miles and miles, stealing laughs and smiles and kisses.
This summer, I met someone.
We were both in Berkeley, working separate jobs. We began as friends. We like the same music, sports and cows. He is loud, and I am quiet. But our souls are sort of the same.
He lives on the other side of the world. I live here. The summer is coming to an end and he will leave. I have no idea if I will ever see him again. I know I want to. I wanted for this summer romance to work so badly, but realistically it may be hard for us to even be friends. I want more time and space.
The truth is I don’t want to worry for the rest of my life. I want to be free. Soon, I will probably have to let him go.
I am learning what is best for me, and I’m figuring out how to make my own mistakes and my own decisions. I am taking risks, learning how to trust and having fun. I am learning how to live. And that is what I wanted this summer. Going into my senior year, I want to make the most of my time, and I feel that this was a good start.
I have just turned 21. After this year, I will be done with college, and I will make my way into the real world. The adult world. That means leaving behind the things that are familiar. I have already had a little bit of experience with rejection, criticism, heartache. I can only imagine how much more exciting and terrifying it will get.
After all this, I will have to get a full-time job, find a new home and be on my own. It is strange to me. I don’t feel like an adult or a real person with a job and a life, but I am. It all still feels like a fantasy, like this isn’t my life (the good parts and the bad parts). They weren’t kidding when they said that time flies. I’ve dreamt about the house, the job, the relationship and family that I will have someday. Now, that seems closer than ever. And I feel the pressure.
(I know you are thinking, “Oh, you’re still young.” You’re right. I, however, am a worrier, which unfortunately means I will be concerned about these things.)
My parents and my grandparents remind me of how young I am and how much left of my life I have to live. They have lived and experienced so much and I believe them. But at the same time, I feel like I have to be perfect now, like I don’t have that much time, like my progress is never enough.
There is so much ahead of us, but we only see this small piece of our infinity. I want more than infinity. (You might think, “That is unbelievable. You are unreasonable.” It’s true. I am.)
In my nearly 21 years of life, I have encountered all kinds of people. People who are dangerous, who want to take everything but my heart. I have met people who are planners, studiers, predictors. People who are wise. People who are smart. I have met people with undeniable fire, passion and light. And every time, I think to myself, I want to be like that. But what is crazy is that some people do see me like that. They tell me, and then I blush (which is a new thing for me. Weird, right?)
And coming up on my last year of college is scary and exciting. I could laugh and cry at the same time.
It hasn’t even begun but I am already thinking about goodbyes.
Morgan writes the Wednesday column on risk-taking. Contact her at [email protected]