How to beat the summer heat

coloredited_xinyuli_summerconcerts
Xinyu Li/Senior Staff

It’s no hidden issue that this summer has arguably been one of the hottest summers we’ve had, even though it may not be the hottest (2015 and 2016 take the cake.) But summer 2017 is still HOT, so we at the Clog have brought you another one of our very useful guides on how not to melt into a puddle of sweat and burned skin.

  1. Go to the pool or beach

The oldest trick in the book to staying cool is dunking yourself into a bunch of liquid, most of which is hopefully water. Though crowds, splashing kids, potential of looking like a real lobster and sand where you’d rather not have it may get you down, just tell yourself you’d rather wallow in others’ body fluids than only your own.

  1. Eat some ice cream

The foolproof way to remain in solid form! Ice cream is everyone’s best friend in summer, except those who are lactose intolerant (sorry, guys). Don’t be a basic ice cream indulger – check out our other edgy article about the top ice cream flavors to try this summer and expand your horizons beyond vanilla.

  1. Carry around a portable fan wherever you go

As inconvenient as it seems, a portable fan does its job. So what if you get a few stares? They’re just jealous. If you’re rocking long hair, be super careful about getting your hair caught in it. From personal experience, that is one road you do not want to travel down.

  1. Invest in an A/C unit

Maybe the outdated technology of fans just isn’t up your alley, but the cold, sweet mechanical hum of an A/C unit just happens to tickle your fancy. How weird is it that many houses in California don’t have one? We have heaters, but pshhh, who needs that when you can be nice and frosty all year round with A/C?

  1. Stay in California

If you don’t want to put in all the effort or the green to get an A/C, you might as well just stay in California and enjoy the cool weather all year round. Do NOT go to the East Coast. We repeat, DO NOT go to the East Coast in summer or you. will. regret. it. Well, unless you like both hot and humid weather with scattered thunderstorms. Enjoy being a sticky, soggy mess.

  1. Descend into hell because it’s already like that outside anyway

Satan himself wouldn’t want to come up to the surface (and that’s for more reasons than just temperature if you get our drift). 

  1. Climb into the freezer aisle of a store

If all else fails, well … just tell the assistant manager you’re out of options. We’re sure Safeway and its frozen peas and carrots won’t mind.

Just remember that we do not need a “big fat dose” of global warming and we wish you good luck in beating the heat!

How to beat the summer heat

Please keep our community civil. Comments should remain on topic and be respectful.
Read our full comment policy
  • donnie drumpf

    Wah wah.. right now it’s 80 with 46% hum down south… Cali is the icky sticky mess yes??