Reasons the 1st week of school is the worst

coloredited_hannahcooper_backtoschoolstress
Hannah Cooper/File

Ah — we’ve back in school for less than week, and we’ve already gone back to our emo days. Nothing brings back your tween angst like heading back to class and My Chemical Romance. But why do we feel this way? There are so many reasons why the first week of school sucks, so we at the Clog decided to discuss them.

Your professors give you enough reading for the whole semester — due the next class
 
Red Card. It’s beyond us at the Clog why our brilliant academic leaders do this to us — obviously we don’t have our books yet, and obviously we won’t do the reading. Who are they trying to kid? We aren’t phased by their pop quiz threats! Our desire to enjoy welcome week and watch Game of Thrones is far superior to our academic obligations.
You’re waitlisted for everything
Your major core classes — waitlisted. The last elective you need to graduate — waitlisted. Any class you ever found interesting — filled. The first week of school also sucks because you’re constantly in waiting. Waiting to get off that young waitlist, waiting to pee in Dwinelle Hall, waiting in line for Crossroads, and — our personal favorite — waiting for a machine at the gym. You finally muster up the strength to hit the gym, and some butthead is taking their sweet time on the elliptical. Blasphemy.
 
Recruitment, fun fun fun for everyone 
Whether you’re a greek or a GID, recruitment sucks. Hearing screaming girls in matching outfits singing catchy tunes with coordinated claps is a bit much. Even worse is if you’re in the recruitment process; being asked your name, major and hometown 57 times sucks more than the current lack of a meme scandal. Another charming aspect of the first week of school is the rush of frat boys running about. If you ever see one, they’re probably cat-calling ladies and smashing cars — how enticing!
You’re back in hell
No matter how you slice it, you’ve returned to academia. You’ve returned to Berkeley. Isn’t it lovely to be welcomed home by white supremacy protests? Also, don’t forget about that problem set due by the third day of class! Late night is now gone. Our beloved Dirks has also disappeared. Let’s be honest, what is this fine institution without carbs and a unibrow?
Fellow emo guys and gals, let’s all apply some bottom eyeliner and sing Radiohead at the top of our lungs … here’s to never growing up!

Contact Nichole Bloom at [email protected].