Ways to get your basic bitch on for the fall

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Franchesca Spektor/Staff

As fall rolls around, pantries turn into pumpkin galore, flip-flops turn into boots and photos of beaches are replaced with beautiful, red-hued trees. It’s that time of the year where everyone is feeding into their fall addiction. If you too are looking to get on that autumn infatuation train, here are some of the Clog’s favorite ways to channel your inner basic bitch — fall edition.

  1. Order a Pumpkin Spice Latte from Starbucks. Make sure to follow this up with a heavily filtered Instagram and Snapchat story. Did you even order that PSL if no one sees it?
  2. Actually just buy “pumpkin spice” anything. Pumpkin spice oatmeal, pumpkin spice Cheerios, pumpkin spice coffee creamer, pumpkin spice cookies and pumpkin spice whiskey. Buy pumpkin spice for your pumpkin, because we all know pumpkins smell nothing like cinnamon and nutmeg.
  3. Purchase every single fall-themed candle from Bath and Body Works and burn them until you don’t know if you’re living in a house or a jack-o-lantern.
  4. Put on your sweaters, boots, flannels and socks right when the weather drops below 70 degrees. Nothing better than oversized clothes to keep your pumpkin food baby nice and cozy.
  5. Host a “Friendsgiving!” Make sure that everyone brings their best fall food and, after dinner is over, sit around the couch and watch all the “Friends” Thanksgiving specials.
  6. Pick a pumpkin at a pumpkin patch. Make sure it isn’t just any old ugly-ass pumpkin though, as that will inhibit your next move (see number 7).
  7. Pose with the pumpkin you spent all day looking for and post a picture on the ‘gram.
  8. Start listening to your holiday playlist because it’s fall, and that means Halloween is soon, and that means Thanksgiving is soon, which means it’s almost December, and December equals Christmas. With this logic, we may as well keep our Christmas lights up year round.
  9. Buy matching Halloween costumes with your friends. The usually basic go-to’s include, but aren’t limited to, cat, western people, scarecrow, fictional characters and maybe even Oski.
  10. Go Black Friday shopping … at your own risk.
  11. Bombard your social media followers with artsy photos of leaves and trees. While this may seem repetitive (as it is mention on three different occasions), how else do people know it’s fall? We live in California, for Carol Christ’s sake!
  12. Have a Halloween movie marathon. Watch classics such as “Halloweentown” and “Twitches” (if you know, you know).

You can pretend you hate it or fully embrace it, but you all know that somewhere inside of you, you love it. So go ahead, get your basic bitch on for fall.

Contact Dorsa Moslehi at [email protected].

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