It all began last Saturday with a simple tweet from Berkeley-based rapper X-Labz — “New music video shoot at noon on Telegraph & Bancroft! I wanna see everyone out there!” The tweet, which received two likes and one retweet, went largely unseen by the general public.
At 2 p.m., X-Labz and his small group of collaborators finally arrived to their own video shoot. When asked about his tardiness, he cited a lifetime ban from Uber and declined further comment. Despite their lateness and the unpopularity of the tweet, X-Labz and his crew were surprised to find a crowd of about 200 people had congregated in front of Sproul Plaza. Without pausing to question the reason for the crowd’s presence, X-Labz mounted his tallest friend’s shoulders and announced, “I’m here people!” He proceeded to break out his Flip video camera and begin filming.
In reality, the crowd had converged to protest fascism and white supremacy and had arrived moments before X-Labz appeared on the scene. In response to X-Labz’s misinterpretation of the gathering, an unnamed protester stated, “You never know who’ll show up to these things. As long as they aren’t causing problems, we just let them be.”
“This is my city!” the Milwaukee-born rapper proclaimed before beginning to silently mouth the words to his song. “I don’t know why he does it like that,” said another member of X-Labz’s crew. “We told him he can still say the words out loud, but he just doesn’t get it.”
Moments later, another protester listing off his favorite sign ideas was interrupted by a rowdy X-Labz and several of his hype men. “The problem is nothing rhymes with fascism,” the protester explained before being cut off. X-labz, who found himself in perhaps the only situation in which he could prove helpful, also failed to think of a word.
For about 30 minutes, sign-holders stood awkwardly in the background of the video as X-Labz encouraged everyone to “get hyped.” It was only when the protesters resumed their chanting that he ended the shoot. “I have given the gift of rhyme today,” declared X-Labz as he looked proudly at the crowd and pocketed his Flip, putting a cap on what is likely the peak of this young rapper’s career.
*Disclaimer: This is Clog satire. Just in case you didn’t know.*
Contact Ryan Melvin at [email protected].