Clog Report: Mystery holiday committee

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Nishali Naik/Staff

Have you ever found yourself wondering why we have a “National Blueberry Day” and who is responsible for creating it? Or for that matter, why do we have a “National Mustard Day” or “National Underwear Day”? Who is in charge of this? Who is this mystery holiday committee, and where are their headquarters? Well, wonder no more, because we at the Clog have all the answers — besides the location of their headquarters, as that is confidential.

The Secret Holiday Committee, or SHC, includes:

Sharon a.k.a. “The Tupperware Queen”

Sharon comes from upstate New York and is best known for her consistent attendance at block party cook-outs. She’s always prepared for leftovers, because she has the largest collection of tupperware in the neighborhood. Her most well-known contributions to the SHC are “Everything You Do is Right Day,” “Take Your Daughter or Son to Work Day” and “Homemade Bread Day”.

Kevin Jonas

Remember good old Kevin? Ever wonder where life took him after he stood on stage playing guitar with his brothers for a couple of years? Well, like any respectable ex-boyband member, he joined the SHC. Yes, there have been rumors he works for his own company in one of New York University’s dorm buildings, but let’s be real, who else could think up a holiday like “Embrace Your Geekness Day”?

April from “Parks and Recreation”

April’s rude demeanor and unimpressed facial expressions make her the perfect judge of Kevin’s suggestions. Plus, she needs her time away from Andy now that their reality show with that blonde lady ended and they adopted all those lizards. Her most prized ideas have been: “Free Comic Book Day,” “Cow Appreciation Day” and “Virus Appreciation Day”.

Sarah

As a senior at UC Berkeley, Sarah has served on the SHC for three years now. Senioritis is hitting her hard, and she is finding it difficult to come up with any good ideas. As a student, this job is more of a side thing for her. Although, she would happily take a full-time offer, because the job market for a SHC member is not looking good.

Mrs. Claus

Mrs. Claus really goes above and beyond by participating in the SHC. Between running Santa’s workshop while he drinks eggnog with his elves and shopping for blush to ensure her cheeks are continuously rosy, Mrs. Claus is one busy lady. Luckily for our sakes and for the sake of “Do Something Nice Day,” she can handle it all.

Paul Blart from “Paul Blart: Mall Cop”

Did you think he was done after enforcing the rules at his local mall? Think again. Paul Blart will not be stopped by the speed of his Segway — no, he triumphs in his new career as self-proclaimed vice president of the SHC. He is especially proud of his pitch for “National French Fries Day.”

Oski

The last, and potentially most unhelpful, member of the SHC is Oski. He doesn’t really make any suggestions to the committee; he just kind of sits there with his creepy smile and hopes someone will ask to take a picture with him.

There you have it: the Secret Holiday Committee. Next time you wonder why everyone is celebrating a potentially fake holiday by posting cute pictures and long captions on Instagram, you’ll know where that celebration originated.

Who knows? Maybe one day you can work for the SHC too.

Contact Hailey Johnson at [email protected].

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