Dressing warm in the winter for dummies (aka SoCal natives)

sitting in the rain with an umbrella
Amanda Burke/File

Real seasons can be a challenge for those living in an eternal summer (we’re talking about you, SoCal residents), but they don’t have to be a hurdle with a little guidance from your very own climate therapists. We the Clog are here to help you stay warm in less than 60 degrees.

The art of layering:

For amateurs, layering can seem more daunting than a Math 54 lecture, but it’s so easy. In fact, it’s just a three-step process: the base layer is there to be comfy, the insulating layer is there to keep you warm and the outer layer should be there to keep you dry. You get to decide when each layer is appropriate, when to add and when to subtract — it’s liberating.

Socks matter:

We hate to break it to you, but if you’ve been wearing slip on vans and no-show socks for your entire life, this winter is going to force you to make a dramatic lifestyle change. Your feet need to be treated like royalty and skimpy socks aren’t going to cut it. The good news is that funky crew socks are in, so head to the sock store and dress your feet with your passions: pugs, noodles, Bernie? The possibilities are endless.

Quality takes you miles:

Patagonia’s not just for frat stars. In fact, it wasn’t even meant for them. Their all too familiar fleece was actually designed for all the chronically cold people out there, so don’t be ashamed to look like you just walked straight off of Channing Circle. The frat fleeces will save your life.

Rain attire is required:

So there are these things called “puddles” and if you step in them you can actually get really, really wet. There’s also this stuff called rain and it will also get you wet, but this time it comes out of the sky. This stuff is pretty unpredictable … dangerous, even. Because of this, you have to keep all bases covered. We’re talking rain boots, rain jackets and umbrellas.

No sandals, please:

We know all you SoCal natives have a weird thing for exposing your toes 24/7 — you practically live in your flip-flops. If you want to keep those toes though, you better cover them now before they fall off. Throw those Rainbows to the back of your closet and save them for summer ‘18. Hey, get rid of those Birkenstocks, too. Adding socks doesn’t make them winter shoes. It’s time to invest in a few pairs of boots.

Holy jeans! Get rid of those holy jeans:

“So you’re telling me you bought those jeans … with the holes in them?” your grandma asks in innocent wonder. She’s got a point though: exposing your knees in this kind of cold has got to be a traumatic experience for those legs of yours. Take care of those extremities, because Bay Area weather is nothing to mess around with.

Bundle up, beach bros. This winter’s about to be gnarly.

Contact Camryn Frederickson at [email protected].

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