Stop what you’re doing and take a deep breath. You notice something unfamiliar in the air. What is it? Oh, just some $tanfurd trees burning to the ground, that’s all. Now that Big Game Week’s finally here, it’s time for you to get prepared. From getting your game-day outfit together to securing your transportation and tickets for the game, you need all the preparation and time you can get. Never fear, however, because we at the Clog are here with all the tips and tricks you need to have the best Big Game experience ever.
Burn some trees
Yeah, we know burning trees and wood is terrible for the environment, but we’re allowing it just this one time, because it’s absolutely necessary. How else are you going to send some bad omens Stanford’s way before the game? Be sure to burn them in Palo Alto, so you can ensure that there’s a larger ozone hole over our rival rather than our over our own beloved university.
Become a ticket scalper
You may be wondering if this is illegal, but you should consider doing it anyway. Buy the remaining tickets available to Big Game and sell them on the Free & For Sale page to UC Berkeley students to ensure that the stadium is filled with as much blue and gold as possible. You may get blacklisted from Stanford (or even arrested), but if not for anything else, do it for the Bears.
Secure your costume
When you attend the Big Game, you need to be in full costume — and not just your run-of-the-mill Hype and Vice game-day gear. We’re talking about stealing Oski’s costume (or at least, replicating it to have for yourself). If we all dress up as Oski, we can drown out the sight of that stupid-looking tree (because honestly, what the heck is that thing?).
Find a ride
Make sure that you know how you’re getting to the game, since it’s away this year. A couple of options include Uber, train or UC Berkeley athletes’ favorite form of transportation, Vespas. Stanford students probably have their own fancy scooters too (because their parents paid for it), but all they have to do to arrive at the game is simply walk there. Us students have the opportunity to arrive in style (and fashionably late in our Oski costumes). So, find a football player and hop on his Vespa. You (probably) won’t regret it.
Have your insults ready
The only control we have as fans is our ability to put Stanford students down and make sure that they sob all the way back to their personal university tutor/helper/homework-doer. Be sure to have your insults ready before you get to the game, since you don’t want to say anything stupid by making it up on the spot. To help you get the ideas flowing, check out our list of Stanford insults to throw out at Big Game.
Practice your Ross Bowers front flip
What better way to sink all those Stanford students’ confidence than front flip over them at the Big Gfame? Keep practicing right up until you leave for Palo Alto, then be sure to bust out your moves once you make it to the stadium. Once you’ve mastered this skill, you can utilize it in other situations too.
Be ready to cheer on your Bears
As much as we all love insulting Stanford students and making them out to be terrible people, we also love cheering on our own team. Be sure to learn all of the chants and songs that you hear in the student section so that you can join in at any given moment. If you’re really feeling in the mood, you can start a chant and encourage others to join in yourself.
However you decide to prepare for Big Game, remember to have fun and support your Golden Bears. Go Bears!
Contact Chloe Lelchuk at [email protected].