A proposal for new UC Berkeley slang terms

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Isabelle Doerschlag/Staff

Language is perhaps humanity’s greatest achievement. This gift allows us to communicate with one another by means of specific combinations of sounds, but sometimes, there exists no such combination to accurately illustrate what you are trying to say. It’s in such times that slang terms develop. During one’s time at UC Berkeley, one may find that accurate self-expression is impossible. Do not fret; take out your personal Urban Dictionaries and add these new UC Berkeley-specific slang terms.

Sproulweaving

Navigating Sproul Plaza without an awkward encounter with a tabler is nearly impossible (take it from someone who unintentionally spent 10 minutes talking to a Marxist on his first day on campus). Experts in Sproulweaving are masters in avoiding unwanted confrontations by means of averting their gaze or pretending to be on the phone. Sproulweavers also favor drafting clusters of people in order to use them as meat shields. Of course, the most efficient Sproulweaving technique is to just avoid Sproul Plaza altogether.

Profusion

Sometimes, slang terms come from words that already have a meaning (think “lit,” “woke,” etc.). “Profusion” is a shortened compound noun for “protest confusion.” It describes a specific type of confusion in which there is a protest going on, but you are not sure what the issue is.

Calscrewed

We’ve been there: obsessing over which classes to take, meticulously organizing our semester schedules, waiting to enroll in classes only to find that all the seats are filled. We should call this being “Calscrewed,” because honestly it feels like we are being ripped off and stolen from all at once. Honestly, we’d prefer to be actually robbed.

Redshift

All those who have taken Astro C10 know that “redshift” refers to the elongating of light waves from emitters receding away from us — at least they should. As such, “redshift” could refer to when you have to leave — “Imma redshift outta here,” one could say. Your friends will think you’re so smart.

This list is by no means comprehensive, but we believe it offers a fantastic foundation for a new Golden Bear language. We hope that you won’t hesitate to add these nifty new terms to your lexicon.

Contact Edrick Sabalburo at [email protected].