Oooh, look what you made us do… That’s right, Golden Bears, Tswizzle is back at it — and so are we. Ms. Swift is quite carefully monitored by us narcs at the Clog, and now it’s time for us to get back to our musical roots. Whatever your stance is on the white girl nation’s messiah, Taylor’s new album Reputation is the musical representation of UC Berkeley’s emotional state right now. So, without further ado, here’s how Swift’s new music sums up the semester IRL.
Are you ready for it?
“I did something bad”
Same, girl. Taylor knows us all too well. Why yes, you may or may not have used some sad soul’s Cal 1 Card to buy coffee from Peet’s because you were sad after failing your Bio 1A midterm. Sure, it’s a definite possibility that you didn’t wipe down the elliptical after you used it because freakin’ Susan and her perfect Lululemon outfit was just all too much for you yesterday evening. But hey, if T-swizz can own it, so can we.
“King of my heart”
Blush reacts — how does she know? This semester, we’ve all found love here at UC Berkeley. Who has our heart you may ask? Now that our beloved unibrowed, meme-able and fence-building chancellor is no longer with us, we at the Clog are simply besides ourselves. However, there’s hope, Bears. Now, we can finally openly confess our love for him and have a true shot at happiness. Nothing stands in our way … apart from Mrs. Dirks and that fence. Climb, climb, dear comrades!
“This is why we can’t have nice things”
#relatablecontent. This year, theft in Berkeley is through the roof, leaving us at the Clog too spooked to even leave our home. How can we run away, for our clogs are not securely fastened? Caffe Strada itself has become a war zone, with fellow students having laptops stripped right from their table. No MacBook is safe. iPhone X, not allowed. If a thief spies you walking home with such a device, hasta la vista baby. Not so golden anymore, Bears, eh?
Stawp it, madam. How does Taylor see us when we waltz into our 8 a.m. math lecture adorned in a Kermit the Frog pajama set? Clearly, she has utilized Dirks’ secret tunnel system. At this point in the year, we’re clearly peaking: We haven’t done laundry in a month, showered in three days or worn non-elastic waist pants in weeks. Gorgeous doesn’t even begin to cover it. Just wait until dead week for our aesthetic high point.
“New Year’s Day”
We couldn’t have said it any better. We thought 2016 was the worst year of our lives. This is false. Sure, Donald Trump got elected in 2016, but he was inaugurated this year. And oh, hasn’t it been just delightful? But, alas, the chance of a new year is shortly upon us, so let’s get pumped!
Again, we at the Clog ask you are you ready for it?
Contact Nichole Bloom at [email protected].