‘Baby, It’s Cold Outside’ lyrics rewritten Berkeley style

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Zainab Ali/File

One of the biggest tragedies of Christmas is “Baby, It’s Cold Outside.” We’re sure that many people wrestle with the struggle of hating the controversial lyrics and also loving this catchy tune that’s been sung by generations of singers. It takes a lot of willpower not to sing along, in fear of being labeled as “problematic.” We at the Clog think that it’s sad that we have to choose between being “woke” and enjoying the song, so we’ve decided to rewrite the lyrics with a little gold and blue flair. So turn on your favorite version, whether it be Dean Martin or Kurt and Blaine from “Glee,” and sing along without shame with the lyrics provided below. Happy caroling!

 

I really can’t stay / Baby, there’s protests outside

I’ve got to go away / Baby, there’s protests outside

Studying has been / Been hoping to see your grin

So productive / Why’d you make other plans, I thought this was nice

 

My roommate will start to worry / Beautiful, I guess you should hurry

My RA will be pacing the floor / Listen to the protesters roar

So really I’d better scurry / Beautiful, be careful or I’ll worry

Maybe I’ll write a half a page more / I think we’ll be working till four

 

It’s getting hard to think / Baby, you’re doing great I swear

Say, I need a drink / No parties to be had out there

I wish I had chow / I guess we could leave right now

What is this hell / Would you look at that, when will this protest quell?

 

I hear them saying no, no, no / Watch, the hoard is getting closer

At least we’re not on the wrong side / I don’t see any places to hide

Hey, let’s leave this fray / Baby yeah, let’s get out

Ah, but there’s a protest outside

 

We simply must go / Baby, let’s protest outside

The answer is no / Baby, we don’t have to protest outside

This protest has been / Consent is so totally in

Nothing out of the norm / Look out, we’re almost to the dorm

 

Late Night really sounds delicious / Croads Late Night is now fictitious
That makes me want to cry on the floor / I think we should study some more
Your mind is so ambitious / I guess it’s what makes me auspicious
Well now you’re acting like a bore / Look, we’ve made it to the door
I really miss home / Yeah, finals are hard to bear
I guess we’re in the same boat / There’s tear gas in the air
Well, this has really been grand / This night hasn’t been bland
Is it already three? / I think that I lost my room key

It’s bound to be on the news tomorrow / Think of the administration’s sorrow

This night has really been cray / I still hear a guy’s shouts

Ah, but there’s protests outside

Oh, baby, there’s protests outside

Oh, baby, there’s protests outside

Contact Sunny Sichi at [email protected].

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