Chris Harrison: A weary god among all bachelors

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Isabelle Doerschlag/Staff

If you’ve ever watched “The Bachelor” or “The Bachelorette,” then you’ve probably had the absolute honor of seeing Chris Harrison, host of the franchise. Since 2002, Chris has been gracing our televisions and laptop screens with his perfect hair, his pearly white smile, his fake tan and his increasingly dead eyes. This man we’re all in love with, he’s suffering.

Chris Harrison has had to give advice to crazies for 15 years. For 15 years, this man has had to ask poor-decision makers looking for love how they’re feeling about their, frankly, too many choices. And bad choices on “The Bachelor” and “The Bachelorette” from everyone except Chris have been plentiful. Of the 10 seasons of the “The Bachelorette,” three couples have gotten married and a few more have stayed engaged. From “The Bachelor,” there have been a measly two marriages from 18 seasons! While marriage is not the end-all and be-all of romance, a show that focuses so much on proposals would probably like to see more people walking down the aisle. Chris himself is surely disappointed in these numbers, not only because he produces and hosts the show but also because he believes in love.

Maybe he’s suffering because his love of love isn’t being fulfilled. After all, not only does he host two shows solely about love and their spinoff shows about ridiculous humans with love sprinkled throughout, but the man also wrote a romance novel. Plus, it seems as though he genuinely cares about the contestants on the show, especially the lead bachelors and bachelorettes, excluding the Juan Pablos of the group. He cares about love, he wants people to find love and he’s probably just as annoyed as the rest of us that Rachel and Peter didn’t end up together. The difference, however, is that while we can roll our eyes and turn off the screen, he has to continue to live in the world of “The Bachelor.”

Chris Harrison is looking tired these days because he has the weight of Bachelor Nation on his shoulders, which is probably a harder crowd to please than the general public. With every passing season and every breakup, Chris is weighed down by the reality that maybe you can’t find love in only three months when given 30 choices. And while we’ve all grown to accept that and watch it mostly for the nonsense and less for the love, Chris isn’t like us. He wants the love to be REAL, dang it, and he doesn’t want Nick and Vanessa to just break up after six months of trying their best.

Maybe Chris is tired of trying to keep the dream alive. While we would riot in the streets if we heard stupid Arie is the last Bachelor, Chris might just be okay with it. He would get to hang up his ties, never look at another rose again and he would never have to convince the nation once again that men are capable of making the right decisions about women. In society, “The Bachelor” is simultaneously the most romantic and the most ridiculous thing anyone’s ever thought of, but to Chris, it just continues to be the burden he has to bear.

Chris Harrison is getting tired of this nonsense, and we won’t let him rest. This is probably because we’re all hoping he’ll find love on the show as well, meeting one of the relatively less-crazy contestants, having a whirlwind love affair and giving us the televised wedding of our collective dreams. Or maybe we hope he’ll fall in love with us, Bekah-Arie style, and whisk us away to a beautiful mansion full of roses and gowns. Chris Harrison is the ideal man, and maybe that’s why the couples on “The Bachelor” never work out — the women are too distracted by Chris’ beauty.

Chris Harrison might be tired, but we will never be tired of him, so he’ll never get any rest. This fate is what he signed up for all those years ago, and we can only hope our undying love will give him enough fuel to continue doing this thankless job for another 15 years like the god among men he is.

Contact Sydney Rodosevich at [email protected].