Do you have the unscratchable itch? You know, the one almost every resident of Berkeley has coursing through their veins — the undeniable urge to protest. If so, you may be at a loss for which current events to protest. Obviously, there are always the classics: global warming, elected politicians and basic human rights, but why not shake things up? When you run out of meaningful issues to address, here are some fresh ideas for what to protest this spring. After all, we can’t let the world think Berkeley is taking a break from speaking its mind.
The Kardashians reproducing
We can’t be the only people thinking three pregnant sisters at once is too many. This family is popping out babies like it’s nobody’s business. If this continues, how long will we have before the Kardashian-Jenner clan takes over the entire world?
The L&S advising department
How is it that there’s always a line? There must be a better system than standing in the dark halls of Evans for hours on end waiting to see whether you’ll actually graduate college or be stuck here for three more dreaded years.
Janet Jackson not being at the Super Bowl
Who thought it was acceptable to book Justin Timberlake and not bring Janet Jackson out for a scandalous publicity stunt? If watchers young and old are going to gather around their TV sets on a fine Sunday afternoon, prepared with guacamole and Lagunitas, they better be rewarded with at least a quick number by Janet.
Tom Brady’s haircut
The man is married to the highest-paid model ever and he can’t even manage to get a flattering haircut. Where’s your agent, Tom? Does he have no concern at all for your well-being?
Lack of dogs in classrooms and dorms
It’d be pretty cool if you could have a pet dog in your dorm or apartment. It would be even cooler if you could bring said dog to class with you. Think of how much stress levels would go down if there were a classroom full of dogs. Do it for our mental health!
The playlist at I-House Cafe
Whoever is in charge of this really needs to consider getting Spotify Premium. The commercials are getting out of hand, and the casual transition to heavy metal isn’t helping anyone write their paper.
Interviewing for clubs
The lengthy applications we have to fill out before even having to interview five times for a club only to be rejected are enough. This isn’t investment banking, people. UC Berkeley is already a difficult place to build a community at, and interviewing to join the Coffee Lovers Club (or whatever your club may be) just seems a bit excessive.
Get out there, paint some picket signs, and make some change!
Contact Hailey Johnson at [email protected].