6 spicy films to watch with your Valentine

An Inconvenient Truth
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With Valentine’s Day right around the corner, soon countless couples will be snuggled up together, ready to enjoy a movie and each other’s company. All that’s left is a decision —  what movie should you and your Valentine watch? With seemingly unlimited selections at your fingertips, you could spend more time deciding what to watch than actually watching the perfect, romance-intensifying film.

But not this year.

Simply select something from this list of films to ensure you and your Valentine are put into a sexy mood. Get ready to saddle up for love.

“An Inconvenient Truth”

What’s hotter than your passion for the one you love? Well … the Earth’s temperature, unfortunately. Making the eventual destruction of our planet sound sensual, Al Gore should be elected honorary president of Valentine’s Day. Equal parts erotic and environmentally conscious, “An Inconvenient Truth” definitely deserves the wholehearted attention of both you and your date. Instead of celebrating this holiday with the usual colors of pink and red, maybe this year, get a little green.

“Old Yeller”

Everyone loves dogs. And you love your Valentine. Do you see the connection? There’s no better celebration of man’s best friend than this timeless movie about a yellow dog. Now, you might be thinking to yourself, “This movie doesn’t seem appropriate for Valentine’s Day. Watching a dog die doesn’t sound very sexy.” Well … you may be right about that. However, the theme song is a slow jam that will undoubtedly ignite the passion between you and your lover. Additionally, the film is set in one of the world’s most romantic locations: Texas. Everything’s bigger in Texas, including hearts.

“Hostel”

Who doesn’t fantasize about having a romantic connection in a hostel? Everyone, right?

Featuring glamorous international travel and attractive European women, this movie doesn’t need to work hard to fulfill your wildest dreams. Your Valentine will undoubtedly be impressed by your knowledge of obscure romantic comedies and appreciate the subtlety and nuance that arises in such a sophisticated tale of true love. Don’t be dissuaded by the gratuitous torture scenes this film has to offer — just think of them as an elaborate metaphor for love. After all, Taylor Swift herself sung, “Boys only want love if it’s torture.” There’s nothing more romantic than a slice of fiction from the master of seduction, Eli Roth.

“Citizen Kane”

A fast-paced and thrilling example of cinematic history, “Citizen Kane” is not for the faint of heart. Offering erotic and thrilling surprises in every scene, this movie is perfect for your film buff Valentine. Fall in love all over again with the enigmatic appeal of Orson Welles. Is there any man who looks better in black and white? No, there isn’t. This is a perfect date movie because the film’s intense scares will keep your date clutching at your hand for the entire film. Offer your date a single “rosebud” instead of actual roses to make it a “Citizen Kane”-themed night, and then go sledding. The romantic possibilities are endless with this timeless classic; try watching the film on half speed for best results!

“Shark Tale”

No, this movie isn’t just a rip-off of “Finding Nemo.” First of all, how dare you. This is the erotic underwater love story that Pixar wishes it could handle. It is well known that Will Smith has undeniable sex appeal — and this film might be his steamist role to date. Don’t forget about Angelina Jolie’s character, who seemingly only exists to remind you that fish can be sexy. Don’t let the film’s relatively mediocre ratings deter you — critics simply don’t understand true love. This Valentine’s Day, you and your lover will be smitten with this underwater adventure.

“The Lord of the Rings” trilogy (director’s cut)

From stunning orcs to giant lady spiders, “The Lord of the Rings” offers a whole world of attractive characters. Walk along the fellowship in real time through the beautiful New Zealand landscape and fall in love with its sublime surroundings. Your Valentine will appreciate the additional scenes in the director’s cut version because they’re necessary for truly capturing the beauty of the film’s true stars: the orcs. With eclectic personalities and charming wit, the orcs are truly the sexiest characters on screen (sorry, Aragorn). Best of all, by watching the whole trilogy at once, you have roughly half of your Valentine’s Day taken care of! Enjoy!

Contact Sarah Alford at [email protected].
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