How to hide your GPA from your parents like Kylie Jenner hid her pregnancy

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Hannah Cooper/Senior Staff

Plans are getting canceled. Midterms are taking over. This can only mean one thing — the cries of a dying GPA in the distance. If Kylie Jenner could hide her pregnancy for nine months, you can at least hide your GPA until your parents finally figure out your CalCentral password. In a sense, all of us Bears have to carry the same heavy burden like Kylie did. Well, except for the fact that she was carrying an actual baby, and we’re just carrying a number. But alas, we need to hide our own burden from the public too. Here’s some inspiration to help you avoid confronting your parents about a number that does not define you.

Remain ignorant

If your parents ask about midterms, just shrug it off. The worst thing you could do is to have them anticipate your performance. If there’s nothing to anticipate, there’s no need to follow up on the results. What dates? What time? Is it in Dwinelle 155? Probably, but they don’t have to know. When Twitter blasted Kylie with questions, she didn’t break one bit. Midterm? Who she?

Change the subject

When your mom calls you, she’s probably worried about you in general. With this in mind, try to steer clear of key words like “exam,” “study” and “GPA.” Like Kylie’s Instagram followers, your mom will try to twist any word you say to confirm what you’re trying to avoid. Kylie wanted her pregnancy to be a surprise. So think of it that way when you’re imagining your parents on the other side of the phone feeling suspicious.

Bring up all of your past achievements

If your parents ask about studying, just remind them what a great and diligent student you are. Milk the smallest things if you must. You got an 8/14 on the math quiz instead of a 7/14? Mention it. The key is to buffer the possibility of low expectations. It could very well be that the reason your parents are concerned about midterms is because of your lack of evidence of any previous ability. Kylie has done this on multiple occasions with her cosmopolitan lip kits and makeup accessories. She focuses on giving the fans what they want (even if it wasn’t exactly what the fans had in mind … but that’s not the point).

Avoid making your best friends mad

Your closest friends could quickly turn into your greatest enemies. When you’re studying for a midterm, you rely on your allies to bring you up and keep you sane. The last thing you want is for your best friend to get mad and “accidentally” remind your parents that the both of you have a midterm next week. Considering how many friends Kylie has, it’s a miracle that the word never leaked. Apparently it helps to buy your friends’ loyalty. Usually, one boba goes a long way.

Timing

Whenever you may expect your results to come, try to time when you spread the word about your victory or defeat. It helps not to mention a possibly worrisome grade when your family is celebrating a birthday, anniversary or some other special occasion. Although Kylie delivered her baby in very close proximity to the recent Super Bowl, the news was brewing long enough to garner similar attention. Hopefully your stellar performance on the next midterm will, too!

Don’t worry, Bears. (Parents, schmarents, right?) At the end of the day, your score is your score. We’re on a mission, fam, to be the very best that no one ever was.

Contact Malvika Singhal at [email protected].