Investigating the hairy details: Power ranking of presidential hair

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Flickr/Creative Commons

Everyone’s favorite three-day weekend and February’s third most important holiday (right behind Harry Styles’ birthday and Valentine’s Day, of course) is upon us. Yes, you guessed it, it’s Presidents Day! So, in honor of the presidents of the past, we’re going to judge some of them purely based off their hair, including facial. We want to emphasize the fact that this list is purely superficial — we aren’t taking their politics into account — and we’re not trying to make light of anything they did during their presidencies. So sit back, relax and enjoy our roast of presidential hair. 

8. Worst: Presidents with wigs, aka John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, James Monroe

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Yeah, we know wigs were the standard of the day, but we’re holding them to our 21st-century standards (just like we hold them accountable for other 21st-century standards, if you catch our drift). What were they hiding under there? John Adams could’ve had the most beautiful hair and we’d have no idea. Historically, people in these days didn’t wash themselves often, so it’s very possible that these guys had horribly greasy hair. So that’s a no from us!

7. Dwight D. Eisenhower

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We do NOT like Ike’s hair. The guy didn’t actually even have much hair in the first place, so on a power ranking of hair, his low place on the list is only fitting. He was a pretty busy general during World War II who probably didn’t have time to maintain his hair, so we won’t put him last.

6. Warren G. Harding

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This guy had totally amazing eyebrows. He was a corrupt president, but it’s easy to admit that his eyebrows were the best by far. Like, this guy pretty much won the presidency because he was a good-looking dude, so kudos to him, we guess.

5. Martin Van Buren

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He may be one of the least-known presidents, but hell, this guy had incredible sideburns. You know that this man put hours into maintaining those bad boys. Massive sideburns may not be in anymore, but we’re sure they were pretty snazzy back in the day.

4. Ronald Reagan

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This guy was a former movie star, so if he didn’t have a nice haircut, we’d be shocked. He clearly put in a lot of effort in to maintain the the full red carpet-ready look. If you compare pictures from his acting days with pictures from his presidential days, his hair barely aged. He could’ve taught Gorbachev a few things about keeping a full head of hair, if you ask us. 

3. Franklin Pierce

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Franklin Pierce sure knew how to rock the messy forehead curl. We’re not sure what he did during his presidency, but we do know that he rocked the curls like no other, and he wasn’t entirely unfortunate in the looks department either. 

2. Barack Obama

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Have you seen this man’s college photos? He was a stud in and out of the White House. And yes, before and after pictures tracked the graying of his hair throughout his eight years as president, but if anyone can pull off the silver fox look, it’s Obama — and he does so gracefully. He’s truly an inspiration for everyone being affected by stress. Thanks, Obama!  

1. Best: John F. Kennedy

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Not to be predictable or anything, but JFK really was one of the best-looking presidents. We all love the East Coast “I vacation in Martha’s Vineyard and I went to an Ivy” cut, and our man JFK pulled it off like no other politician can. Apparently, he was totally obsessed with his hair and used a brush and different products to maintain it. All the work he put into his hair clearly paid off, because his classic, impeccable look was iconic then and will continue to be for years to come.

So there you have it, a power ranking of presidents with the worst to best hair. No matter what your policies are, we believe that having a fresh cut can make or break a presidency. So our recommendation to you, future presidents, is to focus on your hair before anything. Creating your platforms and making connections are important too, but you can shave that for later!

Contact Sunny Sichi at [email protected].