Clog Report: The heated dilemma over the Oxford comma

comma-joshuajordan_file
Joshua Jordan/File

This past week, Clog reporters decided to address the issue that’s undoubtedly been on everyone’s mind. Right next to grade deflation and global warming, the most discussed topic as of late is none other than, of course, the Oxford comma.

The ongoing debate has left many feeling quite heated. English majors have attacked their peers with biting insults over a difference of opinion, while several math majors proposed eradicating the comma altogether, replacing it instead with a plus sign.

Others claim that they feel personally victimized by the lack of the Oxford comma.

“Just last Tuesday, my friend mentioned she’d be stopping by with her ‘dogs, George and Ezra.’ Had she placed a comma after George, I might have guessed that that was a list that included two other people. You could imagine my embarrassment when I had prepared only one pasta dish and an obscene amount of dog food.”

Others feel strongly that the Oxford comma is nothing more than a waste of space.

“The conjunction between the last two terms is a sufficient indication of a separation between two entities!” a political science major exclaimed. “Adding unnecessary punctuation makes for a cluttered paper, and you’re not the one who’s going to be grading them.”

Many admit that it’s of no interest to them whether or not people utilize the Oxford comma, but they hope to arrive at a conclusion soon and put an end to this age of uncertainty and inconsistency.

“I don’t have a preference, but don’t ask me to guess what you’re trying to say,” shared one student. “I get enough of that in chemistry.”

Some have expressed anger in response to the fact that this conversation is taking place at all.

“You’d think people would have a better sense of their priorities,” stated one passerby. “You’re worried about a comma? How about we start working toward world peace instead?”

One man nodded in agreement and chose to leave us with a few words of wisdom.

“Maybe Vampire Weekend said it best. Who gives a f%*# about an Oxford comma?”

Contact Shaked Salem at [email protected].