Clog to be shut down after too many misinterpreted ‘Clog reports’

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Say goodbye to articles such as “7 reasons why ‘The Amanda Show’ was the best show ever to exist.” After years of satire and clickbait, it has been announced that The Daily Clog will soon be shut down for good. The humorous section of UC Berkeley’s news publication did a great job identifying with students who have the urge to know which campus library they are, but there continued to be problems reaching an audience familiar with “The Onion”-like humor. Unfortunately, things took a turn for the worse in recent weeks.

After receiving a slew of angry emails, mostly from confused readers who took headlines such as Main Stacks to become underground nightclub” and “Mysterious pile of peanuts found at North Gate” as legitimate pieces of journalism, the Clog attempted to address the issue by including “Clog report” at the beginning of each satirical article. Nonetheless, the attempt was futile and only resulted in further confusion.

According to Clogger Maison Wells, the Clog staff “received emails from perplexed readers on the daily.” The writers addressed such concerns by explaining the satirical elements in the pieces to the confused readers — but it still wasn’t enough.

When the problem became apparent to The Daily Californian’s chief awesome editor, or CAE, she decided the paper could no longer afford to have its journalistic integrity questioned so regularly. In her own words, “If I didn’t shut down the Clog, it would only be a matter of time before readers questioned our news and sports sections too.”

Of course, the editors and writers on the Clog team are deeply disappointed as well as incredibly confused as to how their audience believes everything they read on the internet.

Perhaps the Clog will see a revival in future years, but for now, we must accept that not everyone is blessed with the keen eye for satire.

This is a satirical article written purely for entertainment purposes.

Contact Hailey Johnson at [email protected].