Milk ‘dairy-ations’ you need to try

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Kayla Brown/Staff

Milk is pretty great, and with the advent of healthier milk options such as soy milk and almond milk, our lactose-intolerant friends don’t have to miss out on any fun. Here are some interesting milks that we’ve scoured the interwebs to bring to you, the UC Berkeley masses. If you’re looking for a new coffee creamer, we’ve got you covered.

Lactose-free milk 

This is literally what it sounds like. It’s what we at the Clog call “milk.” The characteristic milk flavor is now replaced with the necessarily unwelcome sensation of sugar coating every crevice of your entire mouth. Lactose is a sugar typically found in milk, but in lactose-free milk, it’s broken down into simpler sugars like galactose, which are more easily detected by our tongues. If you need a little more sugar in your life, consider trying out lactose-free milk. As an added bonus, the “milk” will last longer in your fridge than regular, basic milk.

Thala-siren milk

Sometimes I wish we were never introduced to this option, but our childhood hero Luke Skywalker had his way anyway. If you saw “The Last Jedi,” how could you not remember that insane scene with the thala-siren sitting upright and willfully prepared to be milked by Luke. We were all there. We are not the same. Based solely on the expression on Luke’s face after drinking the milk, I guess we can conclude that only those with the Force are likely to actually enjoy this drink. Maybe thala-siren milk is a source of midichlorians. We wish this one were real.

Oat milk

This milk seems normal enough. Popularized in Stockholm, Sweden, oat milk is becoming more popularized as an addition to dairy-free milk racks across the world! Oat milk has been described as the milky liquid that you get after stewing your oatmeal for a century. Forget your boring soy or almond milk. For some reason, the internet relishes making homemade oat milk. So, if you’re super into DIYs, this is the perfect milk to add to your daily routine.

Evaporated milk (aka the milk of the future)

Let’s not forget this childhood staple. Evaporated milk not only takes longer to spoil, but now you also have the option to literally “eat” your milk. Evaporated milk is exactly what it sounds like: milk with all the water content sucked out of it. If you’re looking for subtle ways to return to your childhood self, grab a can of Carnation evaporated milk at your nearest grocery store. Looking for the astronaut experience? Consider upgrading your regular cow milk to evaporated science milk.

Pistachio milk

What? Yeah, this actually exists. If you’re that person in your friend group who likes pistachio ice cream, you’d probably like this mess as well.

Toned milk

This milk asks you if you even lift, bro. Although the health benefits of this milk mostly come from its reduced fat content, the actual muscle-enhancing benefits of toned milk are still questionable. Toned milk is a frankenstein concoction of buffalo milk, water and powdered skim milk. If cow milk just ain’t cutting it, you can now drink the milk from its wild cousin. Either way, toned milk just sounds cool. You could also make your own toned milk by adding protein powder to skim milk.

Get healthy, Bears! We’re well into midterms, so why not up your game by adding the nutrition provided by these novelty milk options? 

Contact Malvika Singhal at [email protected].

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