A breakup letter to an incoming student’s healthy sleep schedule

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Hannah Cooper/File

Dearest healthy sleep schedule,

It pains us to write this breakup letter, yet we know that it must be done. We’ve had a great run, but our recent acceptance to UC Berkeley comes with both excitement and the undeniable truth that our circadian rhythms will never be the same. 

The sacred 17 years that we’ve shared have been some of the best times of our life. The minimum seven hours of rejuvenating rest that we got Monday through Friday is something that we will fondly reflect upon for the next four years. As we venture into the uncharted territory of college and treacherous waters of all-nighters, we thought it would be best to have a clean break.

Gone are the days of our 7 a.m. wake-up calls and 11 p.m. bedtimes. We’ll take on this next chapter by waking at noon and sleeping at 4 in the morning. So long to our sustainable sleep habits. Hello to all-nighters and four-hour midday naps. We have a feeling that, even now, we don’t fully understand just how much we’re parting with. Just as Counting Crows, the voice of our generation, once said, “You don’t know what you got till it’s gone.” It’s likely going to take a rough wake-up call (pun intended) to make us realize how blessed we were to get a restful eight hours of sleep every night. 

It’s not you, it’s us. We truly appreciate every sleepy moment we’ve shared. We don’t know where we would be without your consistency during our high school careers. During the lowest of lows and the highest of highs, we could always count on you at the end of the night. Even now, we know that you’ll always be there for us, silently hoping that we crawl back into your restful arms.

Healthy sleep schedule, we don’t deserve you. We’re slaves to our tendencies to procrastinate and succumb to the gateway drugs of caffeine and egregious nap times. Our unfaithfulness is perhaps most obvious during our fourth siesta of the day in Moffitt. You deserve better than this. We wish we could snooze this tough break, but we know that all good things must come to an end.  

You will forever be in our hearts.

Love,

The Clog

Contact Amanda Chung at [email protected].