5 things the Clog would rather copy than a Black Sheep article

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The Black Sheep/Courtesy

In case you weren’t aware (which you probably weren’t), an online publication, the Black Sheep, decided to write an article about us. We’re not sure what brought this about, but all we know is that it really hit us where it hurts. They truly delivered the sickest of burns with their “5 Pairs of Clogs We Wish The Clog Would Write About Instead of Literally Anything Else” article (if you can even call it that). We can’t even imagine how much brainpower and creativity it took to come up with something as profound as this, since writers at the Black Sheep are just so much more superior to us plebs at the Clog. An article about the Daily Clog and … clogs? Scathing! Seriously, we’ve been crying all day. It hurts even more than trying to read their content.

For some reason, every once in a while the Black Sheep likes to try and pull themselves out of irrelevance by coming for The Daily Californian and, more specifically, the Daily Clog. While we won’t link their article here, we’d love for you to attempt to navigate through their website (which looks like it was designed by a 12 year-old trying their hand in web design) and try to find it.

The writers at the Black Sheep are somehow under the impression that they invented satire. We hate to break it to them, but satire has been around a lot longer than any of us have been. If anything, it’s publications such as the Onion that should be trying to fight us. As much as the Black Sheep, or “The BS,” like to think it, we wouldn’t copy their content in a million years. We prefer to come up with our own clickbait, thank you very much! So, to honor their massive ego and consistently condescending tone, we give you a list of five things we’d rather copy than an article by the Black Sheep.

(As a quick disclaimer, we want it to be known that we would never plagiarize anything. All we know is that if we ever even thought about it, it wouldn’t be from the Black Sheep.)

1. Any of Melania Trump’s speeches

The debacle that occurred when the entire country noticed that part of Melania’s speech at the Republican National Convention was taken almost word for word from Michelle Obama’s speech at the Democratic National Convention in 2008 is nothing compared to the mess that is a Black Sheep article. You know there’s something wrong when a UC Berkeley student says they’d rather copy Donald Trump’s wife’s content over yours. Sad!

2. Our sleeping classmate’s notes

Ah yes, our good friend from History 7B who stays up to play “League of Legends” until 5 a.m. every day — you know, the guy who spends the entire class nodding off and drooling on his notebook. The scribbles are barely legible and the pages are stuck together, but it still makes more sense than anything the Black Sheep has ever written.  

3. The “Harry Potter” fanfiction we wrote in the eighth grade

Don’t judge — we all had to get our starts somewhere, right? Some of us just happened to get our start on Wattpad and Archive of Our Own. At least we own up to our past writing flops, unlike you-know-who. Somehow the Black Sheep manages to produce content that barely anyone reads while remaining embarrassingly arrogant at the same time. Is there a potion to deflate oversized egos?

4. Our failing classmate’s midterm

Like the Black Sheep’s persistence in their attempts to come after the Clog, this failing classmate is persistent in their goal to not show up to class ever. They don’t do the readings, don’t fact-check their essays and don’t even care. It’s pass/no pass anyways, so they’ll take the no pass. Unfortunately for the Black Sheep, the real world doesn’t have a pass/no pass system, so BS-ing your articles won’t fly much longer.

5. Our Tinder date’s bio

UC Berkeley senior, undeclared.

Hobbies: Herding sheep, writing good, and babe watching ;)

Probably better at satire than you.

Not that we’d ever swipe right on the Black Sheep, but this is what we imagine its Tinder bio would look like. Despite all the grammatically incorrect and emoji-filled bios, we laugh harder at Tinder than anyone ever will at a Black Sheep article.   

The Clog doesn’t normally respond to pathetic cries for attention, but the Black Sheep’s factual error in their article (we were founded in 2006, not 2013 — it’s literally on Wikipedia) made it impossible not to. Not to mention, the fact that they commented the link onto a bunch of our Facebook posts just so we would see is hilarious. They’re like a bug that just won’t stop flying around your head or a kid screaming for attention.  

The fact that this self-righteous online publication wrote an entire article trying to slam us is comical. Let’s focus on fact-checking your articles and posting them to the “UC Berkeley Class of 2022” Facebook page instead of bothering us, OK? Thanks! Keep being you, BS!

Contact Sunny Sichi at [email protected].