21 valid excuses for not studying during dead week

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Finals week is here, which, for some, means nothing more than a few extra hours in the Valley Life Sciences Building. If you’re like most of us, however, you’re probably neck-deep in regret and self-criticism, asking yourself why you didn’t study more — or at all, for that matter. While most of your poor dead week decisions are probably unjustified, being a student does carry with it a large mass of responsibilities, and there are quite a few very valid excuses for not studying this past week. In fact, we at the Clog have listed 21 reasons that are undoubtedly legitimate.

  1. You’ve been devoting all your time and energy to a farewell speech for when you leave Clark Kerr.
  2. You were busy writing HAGS in everybody’s yearbooks.
  3. You decided to get a head start on move-in next year and had to install your Wii.
  4. You spent 4 1/2 days trying to clean your frat shoes so that you look presentable for your mom.
  5. You had to finish putting together that mixtape you made for your lab partner.
  6. You decided to also make a montage for your partner out of gratitude for writing all your code.
  7. You were actually on your way to the library, but you got distracted by puppies on Sproul.
  8. You were so close to Moffitt, but you got stuck in the Free Speech Movement Café line.
  9. You made it to office hours, but you got distracted by your hot GSI.
  10. You were getting a head start on pregaming for the Big Game next year.
  11. You had to forward a bunch of chain emails so that you wouldn’t stay single for the next two years.
  12. You were working on a GoFundMe page so that you could transfer to a private school and get into the classes you wanted next year.
  13. You were brushing up on your competitive “Fortnite” gaming so you don’t lose your cred.
  14. You were using your programming so that you could hack the internet and bring Club Penguin back.
  15. You’ve been compulsively checking Spotify to see if LMFAO will ever release a new album.
  16. You were catching up on the past two seasons of “Great British Menu.”
  17. You were preparing for your resurrection after dead week.
  18. You’ve been religiously observing the holidays this past week. No Pants Day and “Star Wars” Day were on Friday. Need we say more?
  19. You were making a meme playlist.
  20. You were working on an updated Twitter bio.
  21. You finally got to Moffitt, but you forgot your textbook at home. You couldn’t risk losing your seat.

Going into finals week unprepared could feel a little unsettling, but we hope you’ll gain a little peace of mind knowing that at least no one could blame you for any of the reasons listed above. We wish you the best of luck this week!

Contact Shaked Salem at [email protected].