Why May is the most boring month — and why we’re glad it’s over

Goodbye May
Frances Yang/Staff

There’s no doubt that our year is full of plenty of boring months. February, March, September and November all make the cut. But what about May? We all go into it thinking, “Yay, summer!” even though it’s not quite summer yet. Our dreams are rightfully crushed as May goes on and the excitement of freedom and swimming pools slowly wanes. Frankly, this often overlooked month is way more boring than we all think it is, and here are some reasons why:

Most schools aren’t out yet!

At its middle of May release, Berkeley is one of the “early” (and lucky) ones. Students in elementary school, high school and some other colleges and universities continue to trudge around their campuses. Their listless gazes wander outside to the promises of … what exactly? We can’t even begin to pity those who get out in the middle of June.

It’s just beginning to get warm.

Some days it’s barely 65 degrees and other days it’s 99. There’s little in-between. And if you live in the Bay Area, you know just how screwed our weather can get (*cough* 60 to 90 to 60 in three days *cough*).

There aren’t many holidays in May.

This one’s the real kicker. Other than Memorial Day, the holiday store for May is as dry as the wind that blows throughout the month. Any days off? One. Sit down and join March, May.

No major bug drama!

It can’t truly be summer without the stifling presence of bugs — mosquitoes, XL mosquitoes (you know which ones I mean), bees, gnats, wasps and so many more little critters that can’t wait to get a bite! You may see one or two and get a few itchy bumps here and there but it’s nothing compared to the real hell that awaits.

Many hot summer attractions aren’t open or aren’t in full swing.

Water parks, community swimming pools and theme parks don’t quite open until the end of May or the beginning of June. Often, those that are open are only partially open (i.e. various attractions aren’t open yet or they’re only open for a limited time each day). Unfortunately, I speak from experience (yeah, I’m talking to you, California’s Great America).

Where are all the barbecues at?

Okay, sure, there are those on Memorial Day but that’s literally only one day and it’s way at the end of May, so it technically doesn’t even count. Barbecues are a summer trademark, and summer most definitely can’t start until the barbecues start. Nobody has time for them in May. Shit starts to get real around June and Fourth of July, so call me around then.

Regardless of how boring May is, we’ve made it through! Our woes won’t be long, because guess what? It’s June!

Contact Pooja Bale at [email protected] .