We thought we had seen it all when Kim Kardashian broke off her marriage to Kris Humphries after just 72 days. But Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson have swooped the record for the fastest-moving celebrity relationship, as news of the pair’s engagement broke just 13 days after the two became an Instagram-official couple. We at the Clog are excited for the happy couple, but we must admit, there are many things every UC Berkeley student has experienced that seem to take more time than this relationship has. Here are just a few:
1. Lines at the financial aid office
Have you ever visited Sproul Hall during the first two weeks of a new semester? If not, consider yourself lucky. Thanks to the Cancel for Non-Payment policy, students are forced to wait a ludicrous amount of time just to be turned away by a financial aid adviser.
2. Free Speech Week
The drama surrounding the constantly changing lineup of controversial speakers seemed to monopolize headlines on campus for more than just one week. With the bomb squad tanks lined up along Bancroft Way, Free Speech Week felt more like Free Speech Century.
3. The awkward pause when your GSI asks a question and no one answers
“Sections are great!” your GBO leader probably said. “You can really have discussions with your classmates!” But the unfortunate truth is that in many discussion sections, a lot of us just twiddle our thumbs while the severely under-compensated graduate instructor desperately tries to engage students.
4. The distance from the entrance of Sproul Plaza to Sather Gate
This is the longest journey of every UC Berkeley student’s life. While dodging (or reluctantly accepting) fliers and sidestepping protests, the end of Sproul Plaza recedes like a mirage as we try to navigate our way through the chaos, and getting from one end to the other seems to last an eternity.
5. Waitlists for prerequisite classes
When you decide to go to the No. 1 public university in the world, there’s no guarantee that you’ll actually be able to enroll in the classes you want to take or even the classes that you actually need to graduate. Many students are forced to wait several weeks after classes start to find out if they can actually get into an introductory course, in which time, Ariana and Pete would have doubled the length of their relationship.
6. Delays on the 51B
When you’re running late to class or trying to get to Trader Joe’s before it closes, the last thing you want is for the 51B to be 45 minutes behind schedule. But as AC Transit is a government agency, it’s naturally going to be inefficient, so we often spend extended amounts of time on darkened street corners waiting for the bus to finally come pick us up.
With the digital news cycle moving faster than ever in the age of Twitter and Google, it seems like it only makes sense that the celebrity relationship cycle keeps up at a rapid rate as well. Ariana and Pete, here’s to you! We at the Clog wish you luck, and we’d be thoroughly impressed if you could break your own record and divorce in less than 13 days.
Contact Hannah Nguyen at [email protected].