5 types of sunburns you may be blessed with this 4th of July

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Olivia Staser/File

For certain people, summer is defined by nothing else but sunburns. Despite slathering on layers and layers of sunscreen, you still find your poor, pasty skin assaulted by the rays of the sun. And not in a good way. Here are a few typical sunburns you may see during the Fourth of July holiday season and, of course, in the coming months as well.

1. The lobster

This one is the eye-catcher. Out in the sun for four hours too long? You’ve burned so bright red, you could probably pass as a lobster or as a red stripe on the American flag. You’ve long passed the “crab” stage by now. Just add some feelers and beady eyes and ask those around you if they prefer boiled or steamed and you’re good to go. 

2. The snow in summer

Kiss goodbye to those dandruff problems because now you’ve got another one to worry about. No one likes a flaky sunburn. Not only does it look nasty — it feels equally as gross. Don’t imagine it. Actually, do — it’ll motivate you to be more careful in the sun. As satisfying as it may be to rip that much skin off of yourself, it’s also the most painfuleven worse than blowing your fingers off with cheap fireworks. Is this really worth getting dead skin all over that beautiful hot dog at your annual Fourth of July barbecue? We don’t think so.

3. The loud but painless

It looks like it hurts like hell, but it surprisingly doesn’t. Congratulations, you’ve truly been blessed. You can straight up slap one of these and it’ll feel like your everyday normal slap. Most commonly found on the back and shoulders, these feel hotter to the touch than your run-of-the-mill sunburn and are extremely red — not quite lobster, though. And your skin is probably still damaged even though you can’t quite tell, just like America’s integrity this past year. Maybe this should be called the “silent but deadly” instead.

4. The itchy

It’s worse than a mosquito bite, and it lasts longer too. It’s the dreaded itchy sunburn. You can’t stop scratching it but at the same time, it feels like knives dragging across your skin every time you touch it. Ouch, can’t really win with this one (just like the British 242 years ago).

5. The memory foam mattress

This can be characteristic of many sunburns, but the defining trait of this one is the handprint on the sunburn that lasts for a good 30 seconds. Any small touch will leave a pale imprint in a sea of redness. Use your imagination to decorate yourself with patriotic images! It’s like memory foam but not as comfy and relaxing.

Remember to think of these descriptions whenever you go out this Fourth of July and in the next months! You can plan out which sunburn to get each day of the week and even coordinate with friends and family. Whether you want to channel the red fireworks in the sky or your dad’s famous rotisserie chicken this Fourth of July, just remember sunscreen can only get you so far.

Contact Pooja Bale at [email protected] .