Game of Thorns: Week 7 of ‘The Bachelorette’ realizes there are only so many things you can do at the beach

The-Bachelorette_ABC.Courtesy-copy
ABC/Courtesy

Related Posts

After cutting down to six guys, Becca finally travels outside the United States. Virginia may be for lovers, but the Bahamas is for people who want to actually travel somewhere fun! Before the shirts come off and bikinis come on, however, Chris Harrison sits down to talk with Becca again, finally doing more for the show than tell contestants that one rose on the table means it is, in fact, the final rose of the evening. After about two minutes of pointless interviewing, Harrison leaves Becca to go mingle with her suitors.

Colton gets the first one-on-one of the week. The two make out a lot on a boat before a random Bahamian man climbs aboard and tells them to go diving for conch. Although it’s not the most subtle idea, Becca and Colton oblige. Becca admits to the camera that diving for conch is “much harder than (she) thought” — because like any girl from Minnesota, she grew up constantly thinking about diving for conch in the ocean. The man instructs Becca and Colton to eat the pistol of the conch — a slimy, wormlike substance — telling them it is a well-known aphrodisiac. Ah, the producers never fail to bring romance to a date.

They probably also knew the irony of Colton and Becca eating “Bahamian Viagra,” as Colton tells Becca at dinner that he is still a virgin. Becca is thoroughly shook by the news, so much so that she leaves the table to process how a Chris Pratt look-alike could have never had sex. But maybe fueled by the conch pistol, Becca overcomes her reservations and realizes Colton is still a hot guy she is still very much attracted to. She gives him the rose, securing his spot in the hometown dates — time for his childhood bed to get some action.

For the second one-on-one, Garrett and Becca explore the Bahamas by plane before being dropped off at a random beach. They do as many things as one can do on a beach: they (No. 1) walk on the sand, (No. 2) write on the sand and (No. 3) sit on the sand. The two also recreate the iconic scene from “From Here to Eternity” by making out on the beach (No. 4). Versatility!

Realizing there’s more to a relationship than kissing in uncomfortable positions, Becca presses Garrett for more details on his previous marriage. Garrett removes any of his own culpability in the relationship by explaining that his wife was “hot-blooded” and quickly transitions to telling Becca he’s falling for her. Becca must still be feeling the conch pistol, because she not only gives him the rose but also takes him for a quick dip in the ocean. She begins to realize there’s not much to do in the Bahamas besides the four beach activities.

After getting insecure and questioning his relationship with Becca in his interviews, Blake gets the third one-on-one date. They walk in on a Baha Men concert. Even though the band doesn’t perform its perennial hit “Who Let the Dogs Out,” the Baha Men are probably still the most famous artists to ever appear on the franchise.

Afterward, the couple sits at the beach (No. 3!), and Blake opens up about his insecurities. At dinner, Blake talks more about his parents divorcing, casually dropping in the juicy tidbit that his mom cheated on his dad with his English teacher/basketball coach. Before we can process that “Pretty Little Liars”-esque backstory, Blake drops the L-bomb, which Becca receives much more favorably than Colton’s V-bomb. Becca admits to the camera that she is also in love with Blake, but she knows she can’t tell him, knowing how well that went for Ben Higgins. She gives him the rose, partly because she’s in love but also because she must be dying to meet Blake’s mom during the hometown date.

With only one rose left to give out before hometown dates, the final group date between Leo, Jason and Wills turns into an informal three-on-one. While the four play some beach volleyball, Becca recaps each guy’s best qualities. Leo is “funny” and “caring,” Jason is “upbeat” and “positive,” and Wills is “confident” and “nerdy.” All three are reduced to various adjectives on a dating profile.

Becca has some one-on-one time with the guys so each can make his case for the last rose. Leo does not get the memo and states the obvious fact that they are not where Becca is with other guys. He admits that he can’t see himself getting down on one knee in a few weeks. Both pretend to act the appropriate amount of sad before parting ways.

Somehow, between the beach day and dinner portion of the date, Jason finds a way to put more gel in his hair before he, Becca and Wills inadvertently go on a two-on-one. When she sits down with Jason, Becca voices her concerns — which are surprisingly not about Jason’s hairstyle routine but about the words “falling” and “in love” missing from his vocabulary. Jason skirts around it by saying he is “feeling strongly,” and he leaves the talk wondering if that is enough for Becca to take him to hometowns. Meanwhile, Wills tells Becca that she is making him believe in love, a future and a family.

But Becca must really be into overly slicked hair. She gives the final rose to Jason, who is gracious enough to not act too excited. Becca sits down with Wills to tell him that she just wasn’t “on the same page” as he was and hopes that he finds his person. In his exit interview, Wills gets so emotional that he gets out of the car to cry.

Now that the show is back to its all-white status quo, a promo teases the hometown dates: Becca and her guys do various white people activities such as playing hockey and riding a tractor. Tia and the rest of Arie’s (thankful) rejects come out again, and apparently Tia will drop a huge bomb on Becca. We hope it’s not the fact that Colton’s a virgin, because that’s been done and dealt with faster than you can say, “Gentlemen, this is the final rose tonight.”

Contact Julie Lim at [email protected].

Please keep our community civil. Comments should remain on topic and be respectful.
Read our full comment policy