It’s been 18 years. 18. Get ready to shine bright, shine far, not be shy and be a star!
All the jaws of everyone born approximately from 1990 to 2003 collectively dropped when we found out that “Life-Size,” the iconic 2000s film that rocked our feeble childhoods, was making a comeback in the form of “Life-Size 2.”
“Life-Size 2” will air on Freeform during Christmastime as a wacky, exciting Christmas movie! Eve won’t be smelling all the flowers this time around because she’ll be busy with the mistletoe and helping a young woman find joy in her life!
But — it won’t be Lindsay Lohan. Tragic, I know. The woman Eve will be helping will be the CEO of the toy company that makes the Eve dolls, Grace Manning. She’ll be played by Francia Raisa, who has to embody a character who’s drunk a good chunk of the time and whose shenanigans and tomfoolery ruin the good, pure image of the company. After all, the company manufactures a doll like Eve, who is about as good and pure as it gets.
Lohan probably would have been better for the role, if we can be honest.
The Disney Channel classic will still have your special friend, the lovely queen Tyra Banks (who hasn’t aged a bit, of course). Seriously, Banks is an actual god, and we know for a fact that God is a woman, so it all checks out.
Maybe LiLo will show up (knowing ABC films, she probably will), no matter how small a role she may have, like David Hasselhoff showing up in “Baywatch” to tell Dwayne Johnson to stay true to himself. But who needs him when you have the ever-so-inspirational Eve?
It’s about to be one wild and “fun, edgy, modern” Christmas. This is the goddamn present we all need.
Contact Pooja Bale at [email protected]cal.org .