Game of Thorns: Week 9 of ‘The Bachelorette’ makes Arie Luyendyk Jr. references more prevalent than Chris Harrison appearances

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Fantasy suites are this week. In honor of this momentous milestone, let it just sink in that Becca is about to be engaged in a week, and she has yet to spend any time with her remaining three guys without any cameras or producers present.

For the fantasy suite dates, Becca and the guys fly to Thailand, a place Becca describes as “one of the most romantic places (she’s) ever been,” which is probably true, considering one of the most “romantic” cities this season was Richmond, Virginia.

Blake gets the first date, and Becca takes him to the Monk’s Trail, a hiking pathway that leads to a Buddhist temple. Because it is a sacred area, the couple cannot kiss or touch while hiking up. The two act like horny middle schoolers at a school dance as they leave room for Buddha while desperately wanting to have physical contact.

They make their way to the temple, where they meet a monk who gives better relationship advice than Chris Harrison has this whole season. Later, the couple talks about the monk’s advice. Becca, never missing a chance to shade Arie Luyendyk Jr., not-saltily-but-saltily mentions how she “definitely missed the honesty in (her) last relationship.” The two then hurry to leave the no-touching threshold of the hiking grounds.

At dinner, Blake talks more about his insecure feelings — which are totally not driven by the producers — regarding Becca’s relationships with the other guys. Becca finds a way to bring up Arie again by comparing her own insecurity with Arie during their fantasy suite date to what Blake is feeling now. This leads Blake to say the most romantic line of the season — that he “looks for a reason to stay, not looks for a reason to go” — making hearts swoon across America and essentially securing him the “Bachelor” gig if he doesn’t win.

Becca gives Blake the fantasy suite date card, complete with a fake plastic key, and the two spend the night sans cameras. The morning after, the camera shows them talking in bed. It’s as if they just woke up, but Becca magically has a full face of makeup! Blake is still in his head, and later in his interview, he tears up when talking about their relationship — that’s how much he’s into her.

The next date, Jason meets Becca with hair so overly slicked that it puts the rest of his overly slicked hair from this season to shame. The two walk around a market and eat crickets. To the camera, Becca talks about how adventurous their relationship is. After all, decorating doughnuts and eating buffalo wings just screams “adrenaline junkies”!

Things take a turn for the worse when Becca makes an offhand comment about decorating the couple’s future house with Thai temple decor. Although she says it jokingly, in that moment, she realizes that she cannot envision a future with Jason and cries a little to the producers.

At dinner, Jason talks about how he was emotionally guarded and had walls around his heart when coming onto the show. Becca does a good job of holding her shit in until he asks her where her head is at. Becca drops the bomb about how she questions their future together and then leaves the table to take a breather and talk to the producers. The problem is, although she is falling for Jason, she is already fully in love with the two other men. Somewhere in Colorado, Ben Higgins is breathing a sigh of relief and saying, “Thank God that’s not me right now.”

When Becca comes back, she walks Jason out. Jason does that coping mechanism of smiling when you’re sad. While he doesn’t cry, it’s clear he’s heartbroken. Sadly, he is not driven away by a tuk-tuk, because that would’ve been adorable. Meanwhile, Becca goes to what would’ve been their fantasy suite and sobs on the bed. She mentions Arie again and how she has blindsided Jason just as Arie blindsided her. The next morning, she is still in the room crying. Side note: Where is Chris Harrison during all of this? This is his time to shine by giving his trademark comforting but generic advice!

Becca stops crying in time for her date with Garrett. Any lingering emotions from her breakup with Jason are gone by the time she finishes kissing Garrett “The Notebook”-style. The two paddle down a shallow river on a bamboo raft, not knowing that it is a Thai national holiday and that the river is filled with other rafters. The romantic rafting is replaced by raucous water splashing by the locals and kids swimming in the water.

Despite spending the day playing bumper rafts, Becca and Garrett still enjoy themselves and have a romantic dinner in an outdoor picnic setup that looks like it came out of a Pinterest board. Garrett tells Becca about his fears of being engaged again and it not working out. It’s almost as if he just realized the franchise has about the same odds of its relationships working out as the Cleveland Cavaliers have at making it to the NBA Finals without LeBron James.

Becca somehow brings up Arie again and how she was sucked into his lifestyle after their engagement. Garrett assures her that he is not stuck to where he lives and is willing to move for her. It’s a nice sentiment, but let’s face it: Becca and whomever she ends up with will probably end up moving to Los Angeles within the year anyway. Becca is still moved by the statement (pun unintended), and they go to the fantasy suite. As per the dream location of any girl’s first screw with her potential husband, it’s a tent in a luxury treehouse. The next morning, the headboard is suspiciously broken.

Jason visits Becca at her hotel for closure. Becca gives the age-old spiel of how good a guy he is and that he should not ever question himself. Don’t worry, Jason, it’s not you, it’s the fact that this is a reality competition and someone must get cut this week. Before he leaves, he gives her a photo album of their relationship that the producers most likely made, funny as the thought of Jason casually scrapbooking while being cooped up in the mansion may be.

At the rose ceremony, Chris Harrison once again remembers that he hosts this show. He very briefly has conversations with the two men left and has some solid hosting remarks, such as “That’s pretty awesome” and “Had a good week?” After the two men get their roses, the trio has an uncomfortable champagne toast in which Garrett and Blake subtly try to one-up each other. Ah, competitive masculinity.

Speaking of competitive masculinity, “The Men Tell All” is next week. Get ready for more defensive whining from Chris and some final petty drama from the rest of the gang! Pop out the rosé and get ready to drink every time Jordan says “professionality.”

Contact Julie Lim at [email protected].