Two weeks ago Cal Dining announced its plan to replace meal points with meal swipes. Since then, Cal Dining has been under fire from the student body over how inefficient meal swipes are. With many students sharing their viewpoints on how ridiculous and unhealthy the system is, Cal Dining has created a new plan to not only promote student health but also raise overall grades and student GPAs on campus.
“This new plan will definitely motivate students to study,” said Cal Dining spokesperson Elonga Muskrat to Clog reporters.
The new system will replace meal swipes with passing test grades. The higher the test grades, the better dining services you will receive.
According to a campuswide email sent by Chancellor Carol Christ, students who receive test scores in the A range will receive access to late-night dining services, quality chicken tenders, mozzarella sticks, fries and more. Students with test scores in the B range will receive limited salad bar access, hot pizza and beverages. C test scores will earn students cold pizza, water and whatever is left over from the day before.
“We were already named the No. 1 public university in the world but our main goal is to beat those trees. Stanfurd has spent enough time beating us out. We’re here to show them who the better university in the Bay is,” Muskrat confided in the Clog.
Although this new system seems a bit faulty considering that testing season won’t begin for another few weeks, the UC Berkeley administration is hopeful that students can “tough it out for a few weeks in the name of being the best.”
As of press time, Cal Dining stated that it will still be open as usual before midterms and will be selling meals for a hefty $15 per person. The meal will include a box of Pocky sticks, a cup of decaffeinated coffee and a tissue for your tears.
Contact Joyce Cam at [email protected].