The majors of trap stars if they attended UC Berkeley

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We all love to talk about UC Berkeley’s famous alumni. Our elite institution not only educated the mind of Steve Wozniak but also action-movie star Chris Pine. Lists of Nobel Prize-winning alumni find their way into every admissions flyer possible. Though we’re proud of the fact that UC Berkeley alumni have gone on to be famous software engineers and studly film actors, we at the Clog wonder what today’s most popular trap stars would major in if they attended our university. Here, we take a moment to speculate what UC Berkeley’s most fly would-be alumni might have majored in if they had studied here.

Young Thug: individual major

Students on campus didn’t know much about Young Thug unless they were particularly in the know. Spending most nights in the (design) studio, Young Thug worked tirelessly throughout his four years on his individual major — the College of Environmental Design’s version of the make-your-own major). His focus was obscure, to be honest, and none of us ever really figured it out. All we know is his thesis involved 3D printing a lot of chairs.

Every member of Migos

Yeah, we know. It’s crazy you haven’t heard that arguably the biggest trap stars of 2018 went to UC Berkeley, but it’s true. We “promise.”

Quavo: math and computer science double major

Add to that a 100K/year starting job at Google he had lined up since freshman year. Yes, the most heavy-lifting member of Migos has always been hard-working. He supposedly threw a lot of house parties on the weekend, too, but UC Berkeley can’t confirm.

Offset: Haas

We have to admit — Offset was a bit of a slacker. He wasn’t in class most days because of his extravagant weekend trips and rumored run-ins with the law. However, whenever presentations and papers were due, he was shockingly charismatic, wooing his classmates with revolutionary business ideas and linguistic expertise. His startup, a line of fur-tipped children’s clothes called Kulture Kiari, was even backed by Skydeck!

Takeoff: media studies

Working hard with little to no recognition, Takeoff’s career at UC Berkeley mirrors his rap career. However, Takeoff worked hard behind the scenes, graduating in five years with an honorable 3.0. We hear his side job as a secretary is going well!

Future: English major and creative writing minor

After growing up in Atlanta, Future attended UC Berkeley on a full scholarship. His admissions essay, although most of it went over our heads, described his life growing up in poverty and his self-made success as a small-time businessman (although we’re not quite sure what he was selling). A devoted lover of Sylvia Plath and Rupi Kaur, Future now claims to have moved onto reading less “overrated” poets such as Pablo Neruda. Though we didn’t exactly see the rap game coming for this small-time poet, we’re proud of him nonetheless.

Lil Uzi Vert: dance and performance studies

Outgoing and boisterous, Lil Uzi Vert lit up the stage in each of his campus performances. Opting out of group projects for introspective solos in class, Lil Uzi really developed his skills as a competitive dancer in Main Stacks. We’ve cited his best moves, for reference:

We hope to see some of our beloved “grads” on campus soon!

Contact Veronica Irwin at [email protected].