Quiz: What kind of UC Berkeley squirrel are you?

squirrel_haydenirwin_file
Hayden Irwin/File

Ah, the infamous squirrels of UC Berkeley are a force to be reckoned with. But they aren’t all one cohesive entity. Yes, each group has its own distinct personality that’s relevant to UC Berkeley. Take this quiz to find out which kind of squirrel you are!

  1. What kind of sandwich is your favorite?
    1. Reuben
    2. BLT
    3. A gluten-free one
    4. Peanut butter and jelly
  2.  Which of the major buildings is your favorite to hang around?
    1. Dwinelle
    2. VLSB
    3. Mulford
    4. Stanley
  3. If someone gets too close to you, what’s your reaction?
    1. Chase them
    2. Run away
    3. Freeze and stare at them
    4. Wait until they get close enough and then scream at them really loudly
  4.  Who’s your favorite college mascot?
    1. The Stanford Tree
    2. Oski
    3. WuShock — a bundle of wheat
    4. RISD’s Scrotie
  5. You’re running late to class. How do you save your ass?
    1. Sprint
    2. You’ve gotten to that point in the year when you really don’t care enough to go at all
    3. Sweet talk your GSI
    4. You take your sweet time. You don’t want to show up all sweaty now, do you?
  6. What is your most prized yet embarrassing friendship story?
    1. At your pal’s last birthday party, you barfed on their cake but ate it anyway. There is a photo collage dedicated to this event.
    2. You took your scaredy-cat friend to the creepiest horror movie of the year, and at the first jump-scare, they pissed their pants while bitching you out in front of the whole theater.
    3. Your friend made you ask out your crush, but they stuck their foot out and made you fall flat on your face as you walked up to them while introducing yourself.
    4. Over the summer, you and your best bud had a garlic bread eating contest and then went out to a night on the town.
  7. Your sibling wants you to help them write an essay on a Shakespearean play because you’re a “UC Berkeley student.” What do you do?
    1. Write it about the history of capitalism instead
    2. Agree to help them but complain the whole time
    3. Tell them to mooch off of one of their friends instead
    4. Flat out refuse
    1. You’re the tree squirrel! You love lurking through the branches of various trees across campus and giving people anxiety attacks when they hear you rustling above. You’ll let them figure out whether you’re going to “accidentally” fall out of the tree during a tussle with another squirrel or launch a stealth attack on an unsuspecting student’s open backpack or hair.
    2. You’re the foodie squirrel! Also known as a lunch-stealing squirrel or Dwinelle squirrel, you love stealing lunches outside of Dwinelle because you know no one is ballsy enough to stop you. What can you say, you’ve got an ambitious attitude and a refined palate. You may also be missing all or parts of your tail.
    3. You’re the scared squirrel! The most cautious of the bunch, you actually act normal in most human-squirrel interactions such as keeping your distance and not eating others’ food unless given to you. You may as well be a unicorn prancing across UC Berkeley’s campus.
    4. You’re the cocky squirrel! You generally hang out around the creek and trees near VLSB, refusing to move out of the way when people walk by. You’re even confident enough to go straight up to people and sit on their shoes, while your tiny paws reach for the granola bar they’re holding.

Contact Pooja Bale at [email protected].