If UC Berkeley students were their school assignments

assignments_lianne-frick_file-copy
Lianne Frick /File

You’ve heard of quizzes claiming to know which type of UC Berkeley squirrel you are or which character on a popular TV show matches your personality. Well, now we present to you: “UC Berkeley students: Assignments edition.” Now you’ll no longer be in the dark as to which typical assignment suits your personality.

CS 61 series coding project

You’re probably one of the “cool kids” of your friend group. Thankfully for your friends, you have very strong opinions about where you want to eat for dinner. You also tend to put up a front about how you truly feel about things, but you do it in a very obvious way. Sometimes people can see through you and get annoyed.

Essay for an R1A or R1B

You enjoy expressing yourself creatively and you surround yourself with inspiration, whether it be through your friends or your own past. People find it easy to overlook your abilities sometimes, but you focus on spending time with people who truly appreciate you, which doubles up to protect you against fake people. You’re also a student who doesn’t leave an essay off until literally hours before it’s due.

Problem set for a technical

You can sometimes come off as a bit exclusive to a lot of people. You know exactly who you like and don’t like, and you tend to not want to deviate from a set formula of people as your friends. You don’t care how others outside of your friend group think of you, but if an outside interaction could lead to potential networking opportunities, that all changes. You also always get the same boba order from every boba shop.

Chem lab report

You’re analytical and calculated about everything that doesn’t require it. For example, you analyze your roommate’s sleep schedule and make an attempt to analyze their actions. You eventually realize that your roommate’s alarm is unpredictable, and you sleep in for the rest of the semester. You also find yourself saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, especially to people you want to impress.

Textbook or reader readings

First of all, if you actually do these assignments (complete with highlighting and sticky tabs), you’re the real MVP. If you’re this assignment, you come off as intimidating to many people. However, you aren’t mad at this reaction. For you, friendships are meaningless unless they come with some tangible gain. Words are your friends. On the other hand, you could also be a very nice and pleasant person on a one-on-one basis, but outside of that, you still have the ability to make people shake in their boots.

Online problem sets

You like to put things off until the end. This isn’t just for homework assignments — you procrastinate with everything. You often use the excuse that diamonds are formed under pressure. You also like finding any excuse to eat. Whether you’re “splurging” or “need energy for discussion,” it’s impossible to find an end to your appetite.

As if we don’t already constantly think about due dates and what assignments are due tomorrow, now you can think about how you’ve literally become your homework. There’s no escape. If you didn’t see an assignment that matches your personality, then you’re probably the last-minute assignment your professor assigns the week of a midterm.

Contact Malvika Singhal at [email protected] .