Types of UC Berkeley alumni you saw during homecoming weekend

alumni_crystalzhong_file
Crystal Zhong/File

Homecoming weekend at UC Berkeley attracts former Bears from all walks and stages of life. Whether you had a chance to interact with some of UC Berkeley’s Golden Bears from the golden days or not, you probably have a better idea now of what may be in store for you in the future, based on your observations of UC Berkeley’s alumni this past weekend.

The retiree

They’ve lived their best life and are now riding down their 401(k) all the way to the Amalfi Coast. They probably have their similarly aged (or not) significant other on their arm as they parade around campus with lightly tanned skin, a Hawaiian shirt and maybe a billowy skirt.

The “I’m about to retire”

If you talked to one of these alumni during the weekend, all they could say to you was, “I’m about to retire.”

“What do you do for a living?” you ask.

“I’m about to retire. I don’t think about my work anymore!”

“How did you like UC Berkeley?” you ask.

“It’s been so long and it’s changed so much. I can’t think back that long ago — I’m about to retire, you know.”

“What abo-”

“Did I mention how I’m about to retire?”

The high roller

Looks like they’ve put that UC Berkeley degree to good use. This kind of alum probably works in Silicon Valley, investment banking, a San Francisco law firm or at a hospital (not as a nurse, but as a doctor). Maybe they’ve casually donated $1 million to the university so they could have their name put on the wall outside of Doe Memorial Library. Either way, you know exactly who they are when they roll up in their Porsche sports car and park, not in a garage, but on campus for everyone to enviously gawk at.

The proud parents

This mom and pop duo both went to UC Berkeley back in the day! They brought their young son or daughter all decked out in Cal gear and rolled them around campus in a blue and gold stroller while softly chanting UC Berkeley spirit songs to them. They even took a tour with said child. It’s obvious that their ultimate goal in life is for their kid to be part of the UC Berkeley Class of 2038.

The young’un

This is the recent UC Berkeley grad who has tentatively returned to the place they called home for four years and left not too long ago. Homecoming weekend was a surreal experience for them. They were just here! They’re trying to grasp onto those college years one last time and reconnect with all that they’ve missed in the one, maybe two, years they’ve been out of the loop. The full brunt of adulthood will hit them soon enough and crush all their dreams of being a college student once more.

The sorority woman/frat man

They’ve returned from their 9-to-5 jobs to turn up once more with their brothers and sisters from various mothers and misters. Except turning up is actually just eating hot dogs and fried chicken at their house’s barbecue homecoming bonanza while drowning in nostalgia. You may even see a few sorority squats done by middle-aged women and men.

Whichever type of alum you end up as, just remember that all y’all will always be connected by the indestructible bond of being UC Berkeley Bears!

Contact Pooja Bale at [email protected] .