What your favorite UC Berkeley library says about you

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Mitzi Perez/File

What your favorite UC Berkeley library says about you says practically everything while you say a bit more than nothing. In fact, even though it’s only a meager one-word answer, you’re practically telling us your whole backstory, so proceed with caution. So, we here at the Clog are just dying to know: What’s your favorite UC Berkeley library to study in?

Doe Memorial Library

Look at your wrist — you’re wearing a watch, aren’t you? It definitely nowhere near qualifies as “ice on your wrist” per se, but hey, that doesn’t mean you’re not cool … probably. Your biggest pet peeve is when people are late, and you plan your days out to the minute, most likely in your far too expensive planner. This morning, you arrived at your coffee location of choice promptly at 7:50 a.m. and ordered two shots of espresso so you could achieve maximum alertness in your 8 a.m. class. “Efficient and effective” is your motto. Your friends may roast you for being the mom of the group when you go out, but deep down, they love you for it and aspire to be just like you.

Environmental Design Library

Let’s face it, you’re most likely in Greek life, or you wish you were. Your closet is not much more than a show box for your collection of hats, which you exclusively wear backward, and no doubt, your backpack is Patagonia. You cruise down Piedmont Avenue on some form of a wheeled vehicle (bike, skateboard, booster board: the list really goes on) with your AirPods locked and loaded, probably listening to G-Eazy. You can’t study without your Hydro Flask or S’well Bottle next to you, and your laptop case is most likely decorated with Redbubble stickers. Thought it was a coincidence Caffe Strada and Wurster Hall are across the street from each other? Well, think again because they’re the Jack and Jill and the Yin and Yang of your life.

Main Stacks

Not to be harsh, but you genuinely lack a beating human heart. That’s the only feasible explanation as to why one would visit the soulless library, the black hole of UC Berkeley, Main Stacks. There’s probably nothing you hate more in this world than romantic comedies quickly followed by happiness and puppies. You drink your coffee black and eat children’s hopes and dreams for breakfast. Your biggest secret? Not that you’d ever admit it, but KiwiBots warm your cold, cold heart.

Kresge Engineering Library

The only thing you love more than the UC Berkeley memes page is feeding squirrels. In fact, you go out of your way to Trader Joe’s to buy nuts for them (#dedication). You’re probably a childhood genius who plays five instruments, but when it comes to school work, you can procrastinate like no other. Everyone has learned not to ask you how you did on exams because you’ll probably complain about your 94 percent, which will inevitably lead to the biggest eye-roll of the century. You have strong opinions on just about everything but none more thought out and formulated than which Berkeley boba institution takes the crown.

Thomas J. Long Business Library (Haas)

You proudly sport your Vineyard Vines apparel around BERKELEY. Mic: dropped.

C. V. Starr East Asian Library

You’re sophisticated and chic, cool and eccentric, all in one — much like the architecture of this library. If you don’t already wear glasses, you probably ordered a pair of blue light glasses off of Amazon Prime just to add a touch of modern aesthetic, nerdy-chic to your vibe. Sure, your major is hard, but you somehow manage never to let it get you down. Your bubbly and artistic personality colors the lives of those around you, and they love you for it. You’re extremely diligent and particular not only about your school work but also about everything in your life. During freshman year, you probably refused to eat at the dining halls and instead, exclusively bought kombucha and raspberries, and your calendar may or may not be color-coded.

The more you know, ladies and gents. Get to cracking a book open and studying in your favorite library sooner rather than later because before you know, it’ll be finals week, and you’ll be feeling #blessed just to have found a seat deep in the heart of Main Stacks.

Contact McKenna Hathaway at [email protected].