Clog Report: Winter break to be canceled to make up for lost class time

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Kore Chan/File

With classes previously being canceled because of poor air quality in the days leading up to Thanksgiving break, the campus administration originally announced approval for instructors to use the Monday and Tuesday of dead week to make up for lost time. After additional discussion, however, it was announced early yesterday that all of winter break would be canceled as well in order to further compensate for canceled classes.

“Students will need enough time to both finish their instruction time without having their grades unduly affected because of loss of class time,” read the announcement email.

Experts in the education field praised UC Berkeley for its revolutionary steps forward in improving the learning experience for its students. Some have even called the original plan to shorten dead week “an atrocious mistake.”

“Given how much the students have already complained in previous semesters, there was obviously not enough time to work with as is,” said Melanie Santos, who has a doctorate in education. “How else was the campus supposed to support its students by expanding the timeframe for instruction? Hopefully, this way we can relax the overall workload.”

Indeed, the campus has indicated that if this new academic schedule proves to be even moderately successful, future semesters will also be accordingly modified to fit this new format.

“We are already in talks to shorten the summer break accordingly,” the announcement email said. “Be on a lookout for the final decision some time in April.”

Experts have further argued against the use of extended holidays in an education environment.

“This is a massive step forward for the education system,” Santos said. “We will finally see how students function in a nonstop work environment of constant, unrelenting stress, which can only yield good results.”

The reaction from the student body has predictably been mixed.

“What in the actual f—?” said campus junior Isaac Hernández upon reading the announcement email.

Others have been more positive about the change, reflecting that at least finals would be pushed back until early January.

At press time, instructors released announcements that their classes would stick to their original schedules, and finals would still occur next week. No provisions were provided for what those students would do in the next month.

This is a satirical article written purely for entertainment purposes.

Contact Jonathan Lai at [email protected].