The Grammys were Sunday, and let’s just say, like the Golden Globes last month, they were an utter cluster ball of total confusion. Practically everyone was completely and utterly confuzzled, from the host herself, Alicia Keys, to the onlooking crowd at the Staples Center to the Clog ourselves. But, in the end, considering how confusing “music’s biggest night” turned out to be (and how little it lived up to its name), it was really just like any other day at UC Berkeley. Allow us to make some comparisons.
Dudes sang about “tasting tequila”
Have you ever heard someone sing so passionately about “tasting tequila?” Well, even if you missed out on Dan + Shay singing their hit song “Tequila,” which discusses the so-called “unique” experiences they have when they press their lips to that sweet, sweet bottle of liquor, you’ve probably heard Chad + Brad singing about their love for tequila at the top of their lungs at Beta Apple Pie down the road.
There was an embarrassing number of technical difficulties
Between the cameraman walking in front of another cameraman (and Alicia Keys) to get to the other side of the stage during the midst of the show and Alicia Keys’ microphone being left on as she walked offstage after accepting Childish Gambino’s Song of the Year Grammy on his behalf, these obvious technical difficulties could only be reminiscent of every GSI experiencing their very own technical difficulties with getting the projector to work on the first day of section.
A few icons made a brief appearance, then disappeared
Luckily for the audience, at the very beginning of the show, Alicia Keys brought out a few icons among icons, including Lady Gaga, Jada Pinkett Smith, J. Lo and the woman of the hour, Michelle Obama herself. After their two-minute #girlpower proclamation, however, it seemed as though they disappeared forever (except J. Lo and Gaga, who, of course, brought the house down with their performances later in the night). It was basically the equivalent of spotting Oski at a basketball game and chasing him down for a selfie with him only to lose him in the crowd five seconds later.
An awkward group presentation ensued
There were plenty of these on “music’s biggest night,” or as we at the Clog like to call it, “music’s most awkward night.” But, the one that stuck out to us the most was the all-star tribute to Dolly Parton and her music and career. We couldn’t help but compare the queen of country’s performance of “After the Gold Rush” with Miley Cyrus and Maren Morris to one of those cringey, awkward final group project presentations that clearly no one prepared for.
Unexpected crossovers made zero sense
When it was announced that Post Malone would be performing with the Red Hot Chili Peppers, heads everywhere turned and were simultaneously scratched — because, what … ? And, when the moment finally came for these two acts to perform together, everything immediately became even more confusing. It evoked a similar feeling to meeting someone with a double major that makes no sense — such as public health and Celtic studies. It’s unexpected, but obviously, there’s zero explanation for it.
The quiet kid saved the day
And by the quiet kid, we mean Ms. Keys herself. About halfway through the show, Alicia Keys performed a medley of some of the greatest songs ever made and totally brought the house down, saving the fiasco that the show had been thus far and setting the bar sky high for the remainder of the ceremony’s performers. The crowd was on their feet, and the performance, while understated, pretty much beat out any other performance of the night. Take that, Cardi!
There was some form of cold-calling
We don’t mean the kind of cold-calling that happens in your 9 a.m. business ethics class when you’re about halfway into Stage 3 of your sleep cycle. We’re talking about Diana Ross heading into the crowd as she sang “Reach Out and Touch (Somebody’s Hand)” to get some of the star-studded audience members to join in. Sadly, only Jaden Smith complied — so, not that different from class at UC Berkeley IRL.
The person you really wanted to show up didn’t
And by that person, we mean Childish Gambino, who was probably too busy working on a million other fantastic projects that he didn’t even have time to show up to the Grammys — just like when your crush sleeps through lecture and you realize you wasted a perfectly great outfit for nothing. Sad.
Surprise, surprise! The Grammys aren’t so different from life at UC Berkeley after all.
Chloe Lelchuk is the blog editor. Contact Chloe Lelchuk at [email protected].