Off Base

Sit down, children, and let me tell you the story of the recruit that wasn't. Gather in close now, and make sure you grab a seat, because this one's a doozy.

As the first line of Andy Staples' story on SI.com says, think of the strangest recruiting story you've ever heard. Now forget it, because it's about to get topped.

Last Friday at Fernley High in Nevada, 6-foot-5, 290-pound offensive lineman Kevin Hart held a press conference to announce where he would be playing college football. No athlete from Fernley had ever gone straight to a Division I school straight out of high school. Hart told those assembled that he was deciding between Oregon and Cal, and finally said that he had chosen to play for the Bears. Here's where the story gets weird.

According to Hart, he and Cal head coach Jeff Tedford had "talked a lot."

"The fact that the head coach did most of the recruiting of me kind of gave me that real personal experience," Hart said to the reporters.

Apparently that real personal touch came with neither a scholarship nor any visits from anyone as low as a team videographer, much less Tedford himself. Same deal with the Ducks. No scholarship offer. No recruiting trips from coaches.

The Reno Gazette-Journal reported that school officials were scrambling to figure out exactly how Hart was led to believe that he had scholarship offers to the Pac-10 schools. In a Feb. 5 report, the Gazette-Journal reported that the Lyon County School District issued a release that stated that it "has been unable to verify Hart was ever offered an athletic scholarship or letter of intent to play football" from Cal, Oregon, or several other schools.

With apologies to all hard news writers out there, this thing is begging for a columnist's touch (cracks fingers).

If Hart was somehow led to believe that he had scholarship offers from all of these places, this thing is the mother of all practical jokes. Whoever pulled this off deserves a medal. Here's how I imagine some of these "recruiting calls" went.

Drunk Friend: "Hello? Is this ... (whispering) hey guys, shut up, Kevin's on the line, shhhhh! ... Sorry, is this Kevin Hart?"

Poor Schmuck: "Yeah, who is this?"

Drunk Friend: "This is Coach Jeff Tedford at the University of California, and I was wondering where you were planning on playing your college football (giggling in the background: "Dude, if he falls for this...heeheehee")."

Poor Schmuck: "Well, Mr. Tedford, no athlete from my school's ever gotten a call like this before. I don't know what to say."

Drunk Friend: "(Dude, he's totally falling for it!) Well, um, son, we would like to know what you'd think about playing for us here in Berkeley."

Poor Schmuck: "Wow, really? You want me to come play for you? I can't believe it! Why haven't you sent me any emails?"

Drunk Friend: "Well, uh, our office computer's been down and we haven't sent any emails to anyone just yet. And our plane has a flat tire, so that's why we haven't been able to come out and see you. And the hippies stole our mail box because the post was made from a redwood tree, so we don't have any mail anymore either. But dude, we're definitely interested."

Poor Schmuck: "Did you just call me dude?"

Okay, if I keep going, this is just going to get worse. But despite what comedy may indeed ensue from this debacle, there is definitely an unparalleled level of suck involved in living this guy's life right now. He just made an ass of himself in front of his home town, his school and the nation. Hopefully this does get resolved soon, for Hart's sake.

Because as funny as this situation may be, it's never enjoyable to see someone that young left twisting in the wind.

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