The Kindagay Movement

OK, let's examine the facts. You mostly kiss girls, but that doesn't mean you won't make out with boys. You don't cuddle with your female friends, but you'll gladly spoon your male ones. And though you haven't actually had sex with a guy, you haven't ruled it out either. Face it: You're kinda gay.

I'm not talking about bisexuality-the male form of which, incidentally, does exist-but rather, a more recent, intriguing phenomenon. First, let's talk about what this isn't.

"Metrosexual" is such a silly, outdated term that I'm reluctant to even mention it. But in a column about straight guys who act not-so-straight, how can I not? The difference is that metrosexuality was never about sexuality at all; It focused on a group of men with all of the surface-level gay characteristics-well-dressed, enthusiastic shopper, expertly groomed-and none of the bedroom ones. (I trust I don't need to list those.)

The "kindagay" movement, as I'm now officially dubbing it, has nothing to do with style. Um, it's not really a movement either. It's about action and, perhaps more importantly, intent. Kindagay guys may hint at man-on-man loving, but they never follow through. If that were the case, they'd be gay or bi or, at the very least, questioning, all of which are different categories altogether.

But why am I bringing this up? Because I find it strange. Not bad strange-I can't stress this strongly enough. Remember, I'm a sex columnist: big thumbs up to healthy sexual exploration. I guess what I find odd is the way some men (certainly not all, but a notable several nonetheless) are embracing the slippage between homosocial and homoerotic without any of the usual awkward fumbling. They're pushing the boundaries of sexuality. Given what society expects of the heterosexual male, I find that pretty fascinating.

I mean, think back to the whole metrosexual thing. Why was this "outbreak" national news? The truth is, we have a clear image of what a straight man should be: how he looks, how he acts, how he walks. Manbag-carrying, pedicure-loving guys just don't fit the picture. But contrast the metrosexual with the kindagay and it's fairly obvious the former's behavior is hardly noteworthy. A straight guy getting cleaned up and going to the opera? Big deal. A straight guy sticking his tongue in another guy's mouth? Now there's something worth talking about.

This hasn't made CNN yet, so maybe it's still a Berkeley thing, like polyamory and tree-sitting. But I know I'm not the only one who's noticed it. Once, when I asked a friend of mine to attend a party with me, she replied, "Why, so I can watch a bunch of straight guys get drunk and make out with gay guys?" And that was before the photographic evidence of said mackage went up on Facebook the next day, so aha! Empirical evidence! The kindagays are widespread.

Again, not a bad thing, especially for the men who like to participate and the women who like to watch. Still, it merits further analysis. Where did the kindagay come from?

A bit of a mystery, that. It could be that people really are just becoming more comfortable with themselves and with their sexuality. Well, to a point. That is, kissing someone of the same gender doesn't really mean anything, but going down on him does. Hey, makes sense to me.

And maybe kindagays really should just drop the "kinda," or at least give in to full-on bisexuality. The "straight but not narrow" middle ground may just be a placeholder, perhaps even a permanent one for those who just won't admit they're not a perfect 0 on the Kinsey scale. It could be that everyone's a little bisexual, as some have suggested. I don't know if that's true, but it does make sense where the kindagay is concerned. The more liberated society becomes, the more willing straight-identifying men will be to explore their less normative side. On the other hand, that could just be wishful thinking.

While doing research for this column, I asked a kindagay friend if I could write about him. He said, "You could describe how cool I am. And how I'm a cocktease."

So there you have it. Kindagay guys: cool cockteases. Maybe it's as simple as that.

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