Breeding Ground for Awkward Turtles

A friend once told me, "I think I've become more awkward since I've come to Berkeley." I thought that was kind of hard to believe, considering how naturally awkward my friend was. But after almost a year and a half here, I can almost understand that. Maybe it has something to do with being around so much awkwardness, but I have definitely identified with that statement sometimes. I've noticed I have the uncanny ability to construct awkward situations out of perfectly normal situations. It's a gift, really.

Take what happened a few minutes ago. My friend and I were trying to test out the intercom system at my co-op, because I could have sworn someone had used it before to tell me something while I was in my room. So, the plan was that my friend would stand in my room and I would go use the intercom to say something to my room specifically. I switched the dial to "Room F" and pushed the button to speak into the intercom. Except that instead of pushing the intercom button, I pushed the button that serves as the 6:30 p.m. dinner bell for my house.

It was 6:19 p.m., food was still cooking and I had to explain to a house of 40 starving girls who were making their way downstairs that in fact dinner wasn't ready, that I had pushed the dinner bell accidentally, that I didn't know how to use an intercom.

It was kind of one of those moments you have to laugh along during … because there's nothing else you can do. It's also one of those "how-did-she-get-into-Berkeley" type moments.

Yep, I felt pretty freaking awkward.

I only started realizing that maybe I've become more awkward since I've come to Berkeley when I started noticing that the word "awkward" comes up an awful lot in conversations I have with people, especially when I'm recounting a story. In fact, it comes up so often that I've even adopted a shortened version of the word because two syllables is way too inconvenient.

"Yeah so I was paying for my blue book at the GBC and it was 25 cents but I gave him 35. And he looked at me and said, 'Oh, it's only 25 cents.' And I'm like, 'Oops, my bad!' But for some reason, I thought that meant that I should add another 10 cents, which is what I did. And he looks at me like I'm that girl from 'Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader' who didn't know Hungary was a country. It was freaking awk."

In reality, it's not like that scenario was super awkward. I just apparently don't know how to do basic math. Super awkward is some of the apartment or campus group-related parties my friends and I have been to, where we'll show up about three hours too early, when only two other people (the only other ones lame enough to show up at the actual event time) are there. And they're already wasted, so it's doubly awkward when the two of them start dancing up on you in the empty living room and you're way too sober to partake. Not that being drunk would've helped the situation considering one of the girls was suddenly under the impression that she had morphed into a kitten.

"Desiree, meow! Meoooow! Get it? Get it?"

In that case, it's not really my fault that things turned out so awkwardly and that I had to call a friend to pretend I had something to do during the hour and a half it took for guests to actually arrive. OK, it's kind of my fault for being awkwardly early. But the awkwardness might also have something to do with the girl who started giving the poor kitchen table chair a lap dance. Or the guy who later became so drunk that he started admitting to watching "The Princess Diaries" three times in a row last night and comparing it to his dream of one day being, um, a king ("It's about miracles happening and rising to your potential. It's inspirational, dammit!").

Basically, I think being surrounded by incredibly awkward people is the reason why we become progressively awkward during our time at UC Berkeley. But we all did decide to go to Berkeley, didn't we? You must have somewhat anticipated the awkwardness, especially with Berkeley Class of 2012 Facebook groups made specifically for the purpose of uniting awkward people. Let's just be thankful we go to a school like Berkeley that embraces us in all our incredibly awkward glory.

But, um, I can't promise you the same from your family and friends when you go back for Thanksgiving and spill gravy on yourself and the person sitting next to you within minutes of starting lunch. (And you know you will.)

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