LOVE HIM

I'm not sure who's, er, more "colorful": Christian Bale or the characters he portrays. I'm not going to flipping trash his scenes, but I fawn over Bale the man, not Bale the actor. Maybe there is no real Bale, only an entity, something illusory. And that is why I love him. He is bigger than himself, but he still has some skill and scope going on for him. He's not a flubbing amateur, you know. This is a man who gives a snot about what goes on in front of the effing camera, all right? His mind has to be in the scene. He will fugging go kick your ass if you knock his concentration. This man is a notch above the rest, that's for sure. The main difference between him and a relatively normal person like myself, though, is that he doesn't wear hockey pads. Allegedly.

In his movies, you can see him go on a psychotic rampage, recite Shakespearean love verse, perform Disney choreography and wear a black rubber suit. Behind the scenes, you can also hear him go on a psychotic rampage, which after being uploaded to YouTube spawned the hit remix "Bale Out." In bashing on the director of photography during the most recent "Terminator" movie, he unleashes something terrifying, something that will not stop until it gets revenge … a whole lot of f-bombs. That alone is worth some props. I mean, he can be a nice guy, but that don't fracking cut it when you're fudging around the set. Somebody should be frigging watching and keeping an eye on him because this is one hot-headed dude. That's one thing ya gotta learn: Headlines don't sell papes. Christian Bale sells papes.

-Christine Borden

HATE HIM

Who does Christian Bale think he is? Seriously. Being absurdly good-looking (despite a propensity for sometimes sporting remarkably douchey facial hair) and having decent acting chops does not entitle you to be a complete tool-no matter how badly you want to revitalize the "Terminator" franchise.

"But," one might argue, "great actors should be judged by their work, not their personal lives! You, Christian Bale hater, are contributing to the degeneration of society by celebrity deification. Christian Bale is 10 times the man you will ever be." To which I reply indignantly, "False!"

First of all, Christian Bale is likely way more than 10 times the man I will ever be. (And what an admittedly fine piece of man he is ... ) Second of all, I'd like to point out that this is impossible to fully separate the man from the "art." Look at what happened to Roman Polanski.

Now all I see in Patrick Bateman of "American Psycho" is Christian Bale basically playing himself. After hearing his infamous rant a few times, I could totally picture him actually losing his shit over the precise eggshell finish of his business cards. What's more, I'll never be able to watch "Little Women" again without imagining Laurie lividly threatening to kick somebody's fuckin' ass. "Sure, I'll be in your attic play, Jo. Just as long as you don't walk through ... my ... scene!" I really loved that movie, and now my childhood crush is sullied forever.

It's not even like his acting is always impeccable, anyway. The Batman voice? Come on. That performance is hardly a paradigm of subtlety. Everyone knows Heath Ledger was hands-down the best part of "The Dark Knight." Yeah, I just went there.

-Jill Cowan

Tags: CHRISTIAN BALE, THUMB WARS