As I write, Carson Daly, the TRL puppet of the '90s, is eating a submarine sandwich. Singer Lisa Loeb, another '90s icon, is eating miniature baked potatoes with halibut. About two hours ago, Matchbox 20 singer Rob Thomas had "a nice lunch and a little wine." Oh yes. Despite all the glamour and glitz, celebrities are real people too. They need to eat. And more importantly, they want you to know.

Enter social-networking craze Twitter. Like Facebook for the hyperactive, Twitter allows its members to constantly summarize the ever-abundant minutiae of their day into statuses of 140 characters or fewer. This allows any Tom, Dick or Harry with a decent Internet connection to publicly announce which brand of wheat puffs he ate for breakfast or what his mechanic said is wrong with the transmission of his 1994 Mazda. Riveting stuff, really.

Though often mundane, Twitter is in no way minor. There is gargantuan narcissism at play here. That's why celebrities (A-list and D-list dwellers alike) are fascinated with Twitter. Narcissism is engraved in their personalities.

This isn't simply a red carpet observation. It's scientifically proven. Dr. Drew Pinsky-who, ironically, has become a celebrity in his own right by doling out sex advice on radio's "Loveline" and keeping celebrity junkies clean on VH1's "Celebrity Rehab"-has explored the connection between celebrity and narcissism. Off-set at "Loveline," Pinsky asked the show's actors, musicians and TV personalities to take a Narcissistic Personality Inventory, the most commonly used and recognized measure of narcissism in social psychological research.

The results were staggering. The average NPI for the 200 celebrities tested was 17.84. That's 17 percent above the US average. What's most interesting (or irritating) is that Pinsky hypothesizes narcissism doesn't come with time. There was no correlation found between years of fame and level of self-adoration.

So celebrities don't become increasingly narcissistic in all their years basking in the limelight. Instead, narcissistic people become celebrities. Pinsky explains that "narcissists may gravitate to environmental contexts in which the opportunities for high performance will lead to self-glorification."

What other "environmental contexts" would lead to self-glorification? Perchance a Web site that allows a human to chronicle his every miniscule action like it is a Homeric triumph? Yes. It makes perfect sense why a narcissist-turned-celebrity would enjoy the benefits of Twitter so much.

It's more challenging to understand the society that validates the fame whore's constant craving for gratification. Why are celebrity Twitters, though not any more entertaining than your local butcher's, so celebrated? Ashton Kutcher notably became the first twit-fool to collect one million followers. He beat out CNN News. People would rather hear juicy gossip from the set of the doomed "What Happens in Vegas" than updates on our struggling planet.

It's an unstoppable pattern. We keep coming up with new mechanisms that help your average singer-songwriter or reality TV hottie pat herself on the back. These tools and Web sites that help them display their undying narcissism are the tools that help their fans validate them. Twitter can't die soon because celebrities' love for themselves doesn't seem to be dwindling, and celebrities won't stop worshipping themselves because things like Twitter keep popping up and encouraging them to do it!

Dr. Drew has a Twitter, too. Shouldn't he know better? How the scientist has become the lab-rat himself! Well, isn't that something to tweet about.